最近小编关注到Facebook上的一篇热门帖子，一位外国妹子深度深度剖析为什么中国男人在西方姑娘眼中不那么吃香。
关于这个论点，很多人都表示感（Xiang）兴（Zhi）趣（Dao）！
本篇投稿来自留学英国多年，拿到了海外双硕士学位的Orlando，他将用自己的恋爱经历与大家探讨这个有趣的话题
When Laowai Ladies Meet Chinese Gentlemen:
The Different Dating Expectations
中国男人普遍缺乏性经验和约会技巧
01
Do Chinese Men Have Less Sexual and Dating Experience than Western Women?
尽管西方姑娘对中国男人的看法有这种主观的刻板印象，但在大多数情况下，答案是99%正确的。我认为这是阻止西方女性与中国男人约会的头号原因。
在我们的校园时光，学习成绩高于一切。中国父母和学校几乎没有教育他们的孩子关于性/恋爱关系，学校规定禁止学生恋爱，以保持成绩，这无疑是造成中国男性和约会经验的主要原因。在我们很小的时候，身边的人都告诫我们恋爱关系是应该严肃而认真的。因此，当我们的西方朋友公开讨论你最喜欢的“姿势”时，我们中的许多人会相当害羞。
对于西方女性来说，这样的约会对象令人沮丧。因为西方社会在第二次和第三次女权主义浪潮的影响下，对性的谈论和教育相对开放。试问:有多少西方女孩愿意和一个不喜欢谈论性的人约会?不是很多。
Despite there’s this idiotic stereotype of Western perception of Chinese men are sexually weak and cannot satisfy Western women’s wild sexual needs, in most cases, the answer is 99% true. This I believe is the Alpha One reason deterring Western women away from dating Chinese guys.
Back in our school days, academic achievements were above all else. Chinese parents and schools hardly educate their children and students about sex/relationship, school rules forbids students from dating, in order to preserve our grades. China has long held its socially conservative attitudes towards sex education like America before 1960s. All of these phenomena above have undoubtedly caused the lack of sexual and dating experience for Chinese men. Before we enter the real world, Chinese youth are being told that sexual norms are vital for both men and women. Hence many of us would be fairly shy when our western friends would openly discuss what’s your favourite position ‘Netflix and Chill’ positions.
For Western women, this is a discouraging actor for dating, as the Western society has been socially liberal about sex due to the influence of the Second and the Third waves of Feminism. Come on ladies: how many of you Western girls would like to date someone who is uncomfortable talking about sex and has very little experience in pleasing you? Not a lot, I assume!
Yes/No ?
轻易做出过多承诺，不懂得时机
02
The Excessive Usage of the L Word
当下中国年轻人的爱情观，普遍来源于电影和小说中描述的故事。因此，许多人对“我爱你”这个词的真正重量有很大的误解，经常用它来做初次见面的表白。我记得我的欧洲朋友给我看了一个中国人写的“情书”。他在一封200字的信中使用了“Love”一词12次。这是许多中国男人犯的一个常见错误，他们失去了他们潜在的西方女友，包括我自己。今年早些时候，我和一个美国女孩约会，我们有了一个良好的开端，但我在一个灿烂的夜晚说出了“我爱你”，把一切都搞砸了。这当然是一个巨大的讽刺，当我回头看时，我觉得自己像个傻瓜。在观看了《夏日》之后，我对爱情用语的过度使用产生了更深的理解，我觉得汤姆说的很对:“这是这些词语，这些电影和流行歌曲，它们是所有谎言和心痛的罪魁祸首……”我认为，人们能轻易说出他们的感受，并被亲近之人理解，但像“爱”这样的词语是没有任何意义的!
所以我给大家的建议是，不要用“L”这个词，直到你们的关系足够牢固，维持它的重量。
Because the Chinese youth lacked of dating experience and sex education, they would subsequently study love/relationship/sex based on stories portrayed in films and fictions. Consequently many people have greatly misunderstood of the true weight of this word and often use it for making their first confessions. I remember my European friend had showed me this ‘Love Letter’ from a Chinese guy. He used the L word 12 times in a 200-words-letter. This is a common mistake made by many Chinese men that turned away their potential Western girlfriends and myself included. I dated an American girl earlier this year and we had a good start, but I screwed everything up by saying ‘I love you’ during a brilliant night out. It was certainly a great irony that I am well aware of the inappropriateness, I could not avoid it, even though I used that word during an intimate momen between us rather than making a confession, I still felt like a fool when I looked back. I developed a deeper motivation of the over usage of Love after watching <500 days of the summer>, I felt Tom was absolutely right: ‘It’s these cards, these movies and the pop songs they are to blame for all the lies and the heartache...I think, we do a bad thing here, people should be able to say how they feel, not some words some strangers put in their mouths, words like 'Love' that don't mean anything!’
So my advice to my Chinese brothers is that DO NOT use the L Word till your relationships are strong enough to sustain the weight of it. When making a confession to a girl you had a crush on say something like this: 'I dare to presume, that my meagre qualities could have the honour to earn your affection one day?'
Yes/No ?
“随性交往” Vs “结婚生子” 中西方恋爱观的不同
03
‘Casual Dating Before Commitments ’ vs ’Get Married and Have Children ’
这就是我所看到的最具讽刺意味的现象，可能也是导致西方女性远离中国绅士的主要原因之一。中国人期待一段感情的终点是婚姻，而西方人认为这是你可以顺其自然的事。此外，这也是一个文化问题，中国儒学认为结婚生子对家庭血脉至关重要。这种文化通常会导致早期的求婚和父母强迫年轻夫妇在开始约会几个月后结婚。但对西方女性来说，这简直太荒谬了。婚姻是一件严肃的事情，只会在一段时间后发生。
可悲的是，“恋爱关系=婚姻”这一概念不仅适用于中国男性，也适用于女性。在我开始写这篇文章之前，我和我的美国朋友聊天，他告诉我
他会对中国女孩说，他打算在最开始的时候跟你说“我不会娶你”。这听起来可能有点极端，但我认为这是理性的，我亲眼目睹了我的亲戚们在与西方女性约会时发生的巨大的悲剧，这是由于人们对结婚的强烈期望而导致的结果。
This is what I see as the MOST IRONIC phenomena and probably the main reason scaring Western ladies away from the Chinese gentlemen. During the Cold War Era, the Christian West regarded the Communist China and the USSR as the Godless reds who intended to dismantle family values and the holiness of marriage. Today the table has turned, Chinese expect a relationship would lead to marriage, Westerners believe it is something you could do casually. In addition, it is also a cultural issue, Chinese Confucianism regards Fertilities are vital to resume your family blood line. Such cultural heritage often results in early proposals and pushy parents forcing the young couples to get married a few months after the commencement of dating. But to western women, this is just ridiculous. Marriage is a serious matter and could only happen after a period of time.
More often, there is an ‘unofficial Casual date before commitments’ policy in the West. Sadly, the ‘relationship leading to marriage’ concept does not only apply to Chinese men, but women too. Before I began writing this article, I had a conversation with my American friend who told me that he would say to the Chinese girl he intends to date ‘I am NOT going to marry you’ at the very beginning. This may sounds extreme but I think it’s rational, I have personally witnessed the great tragedy from my relatives dating Western women as a result of over investment at the early stage of relationships due to the strong expectations of getting married.
Yes/No ?
“他们说话太多委婉，表达想法不够直接”
04
Speak Your Mind Out: Different Communication Methods
西方人欣赏他们的恋人直接地表达感情和情绪,而中国男人更喜欢隐式(含蓄)。从我自己的经历来说，我可以告诉你，我和美国前女友的关系被扼杀的真正原因是沟通不畅。由于中国人对性别角色的态度保守，中国男人自然被认为是“家庭的领袖”，而且在大多数时间里都是强势的。因此，我们中的许多人都不愿意告诉我们的伴侣真正困扰我们的是什么。然而，西方社会对男性表现出软弱的态度更为宽容。所以在我和前任约会的那段时间，家里的麻烦让我不知所措，我隐藏了真实的感觉，假装高兴，因为我不想因为自己的问题影响到她。我试着不给她发短信，这样她就可以有更多的空闲时间，但却事与愿违。她认为我的行为是不诚实的，于是我们分手了。这是一段痛苦的经历，但也是一个很好的教训，我非常感激她教给我的东西。
Westerners appreciate their partners to be direct expressing their affection to you and be honest to you on what’s going on in their mind, while Chinese men prefer to be Implicit (含蓄) . For this part I can tell you from my own experience, the real reason that killed my relationship with my American ex is miscommunication. Due to the conservative Chinese attitudes towards the gender roles, Chinese men are naturally expected to be ‘leaders of families’ and shall be strong for most of the time. Thus many of us are unwilling to tell our partners what’s actually bothering us. However,Western society has a more tolerate attitude for men showing their weaknesses to their female partners. So during the time I dated my ex, I was overwhelmed by troubles at home. I let her down by hiding my true feeling and pretended to be happy because I did not want to trouble her with my problems. When I went to Macau to resolve the problems, I tried to leave her alone by not texting her too much so she could have more free time for herself, but it backfired. She perceived my actions as dishonesty and lack of efforts to communicate with her when I went away.It was a painful experience but a good lesson, I very much appreciate what she had taught me.
Yes/No ?
Conclusion: 我们还有很长的路要走
我写这篇文章的目的并不是说中国男人是软弱的，无知的或者是大男子主义的，我试图解释的是，我们是一个有着璀璨历史的国家，有着丰富的文化和传统，但仍然承受着一些来自过去的负担。如今，越来越多的人意识到中国年轻人在约会和恋爱方面的问题，他们正在逐步改善、学习和变化。但在我看来，一个成功的跨种族关系的关键在于，双方必须对双方的文化差异和期望形成相互理解。我认为，全球化是加强中国与西方之间理解桥梁的重要一步，不仅是在约会方面，还包括生活方式、政治、商业交易、语言等方面。就像许多反特朗普的人所说的:“桥梁不是墙”。
The moral of this article is not saying that Chinese men are weak, ignorant or male chauvinistic, what I attempt to explain is that we are an ancient kingdom with rich cultures and histories but still bear many burdens from the past. Today more people are realising the problems with Chinese youth on dating and relationships, and they are gradually improving by bringing up changes in schools. But the key to a successful interracial relationship, in my humble opinion is that both parties must develop a mutual understanding to the cultural differences and expectations for both side. Cultural Globalisation is what I see as the vital step to strengthen the bridge of understanding between China and the West, not only in terms of dating but other things such as lifestyles, politics, commercial deals, languages etc. Like what many anti-Trump protestors claimed : ‘Bridges NOT Walls’.
We would like to thank Orlando who wrote this article and shared with us his experience .
By the way：
最近咱们成都微博热搜你们看了吗？
目前爆红网络，老外HERE创始人之一的Daisy，就嫁给了咱们“中国老公”~是不是感觉很励志呢？那就马上行动起来！........去背单词吧.....#^%$%&
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