【新译Z世代】No. 54《亲密关系》：如何找到平淡生活的真谛？

爱情是人类情感中最美妙的一种体验，古今中外关于爱情的伟大文学作品有许多，但从心理学角度对两性关系进行科学而系统总结的专著尚为数不多。《亲密关系》从一出版，就立即获得了读者的普遍喜爱，不仅得到了专业人士的首肯，更是得到普通读者的高度评价。作者综合了心理学多个分支的研究理论和成果，用饶有趣味的论述，总结出人们在交往与沟通、爱情与承诺、婚姻与性爱、嫉妒与背叛等方面的行为特点和规律。

Love is one of the most wonderful experiences of human emotions. There are many great literary works about love both at home and abroad, but few monographs have made scientific and systematic summarization on the relationship between men and women from the perspective of psychology. Since its publication, "Intimacy" was immediately popular among readers, not only by professionals, but also by ordinary readers. The author summarizes the characteristics and rules of people's behavior in communication, love and commitment, marriage and sex, jealousy and betrayal, etc. 

其中的一些观点对处理亲密关系有很强的指导意义。

Some of these points of view have strong guiding significance in dealing with intimate relationships. 

首先，不同的依恋类型决定了亲密关系不同的互动方式：安全型：喜欢与人交往，很容易与人发展出信任关系；焦虑矛盾型：紧张，过分依赖，对他人过分需求；回避型：猜忌生疑，不太容易形成信任和亲密的关系。

First of all, different attachment types determine different ways of interaction in intimate relationship: Safe type: like to communicate with others, it is easy to develop trust relationship with others; Anxiety and contradiction type: nervous, overdependence, excessive demand for others; Avoidance type: doubtful, not easy to form trust and intimate relationship. 

第二，在建立起来的关系中，伴侣之间的吸引力水平是相似的，他们的长相是相匹配的。在双方达到相当的相似程度后，相互吸引并不会减少，风格和特质相似的人们会更加喜欢彼此，尤其是随着时间的推移会更加喜欢。在女性的谈话中，感情和任务占有主导地位，男性则会讨论非个人化的事情，讨论一些话题，彼此之间寻求的是快乐，而不是支持和忠告。男性之间的谈话较不亲密也较不个人化。

Second, in the established relationship, the level of attractiveness between partners is similar, and their looks match. With considerable similarity, mutual attraction does not diminish, and people with similar styles and traits like each other more, especially over time. In women's conversations, emotions and tasks dominate, and men talk about non-personal matters and some topics, seeking happiness, not support and advice. Men talk less intimately and less personally.

第三，我们需要积极地看待孤独：自在的独处能力可能加强我们爱他人的能力，如果我们总是希望与他人之间有互动才能愉快，就会给他人造成负担。这个负担可能是他们不愿意或不能承担的，独处可能用来发展对我们的自身需要，情感以及生活态度的理解。

Third, we need to take a positive look at loneliness: our ability to be alone can strengthen our ability to love others, and if we always want to interact with others to be happy, we can place a burden on others. This burden may be unwilling or unbearable, and being alone may be used to develop understanding of our own needs, emotions, and attitudes to life. 

亲密关系是人类经验的核心，处理得好能给人带来极大的快乐，处理得不好则会造成重大创伤，因此科学地认识亲密关系，攸关我们每个人的幸福。本书既适合研究亲密关系的专业人士，能给他们带来启发与灵感，也适合每个想爱情甜蜜、婚姻长久、人生幸福的普通读者。

Intimacy is at the heart of human experience. Good handling can bring great happiness to people. Poor handling can cause great trauma. Therefore, scientific understanding of intimate relationships is crucial to the well-being of each of us. This book is suitable for professionals who study intimate relationships, can inspire and inspire them, but also suit everyone who wants sweet love, long marriage and happy life. 

monograph 专题著作

intimacy 亲密

attachment 依恋