Is going "dutch" a good idea? Who should pay when going out on a date? We ask our readers (both men and women) to share their experiences and views.
marcusd74 (Australia)
Personally, if I was asking a girl out on a date, I would pay for her meal and drinks. Sure, there are less of these kinds of things around these days due to equal rights and the like, but despite not being a traditional guy as such, I do like to be 'gentlemanly' when it comes to things such as this. Hell - if I like someone enough to ask them out on a date, I want them to feel special. It's not rocket science. Someone inviting a girl out on a date and not paying is just being a tight-ass, plain and simple.
Tigerbay (UK)
There are different cultures at work here. In Chinese culture it's the man who usually pays. The other thing I find amusing is the Chinese characteristic of arguing about who pays, as in "I pay", "No! I will pay," "No! I pay," etc., etc... which can go on for several minutes. The arguments often go from the table, across the restaurant floor, and can even continue at the cash register.
celestialism (US)
I always offer to pay my half and am always fully able and willing to do so, but sometimes a man absolutely insists on paying, so I let him. It seems to be a point of pride for some men. For early dates, I always insist on paying my way for at least part of the date. Later, in a relationship, it's fun to treat one another, but I think picking up the whole tab should be more influenced by who earns more - after all, that's why men used to pay all the time.
Mason (UK)
In the UK, it is considered "chivalrous" for the guy to pay for the first three dates and then only fair that the woman starts to contribute thereafter. For many Westerners, where there is an equality of income, there seems no reason why a man should, literally, be seen as a free meal ticket. And women don't want to be seen as a sponge. Even if it is a cultural thing where women expect a guy to pay (and a guy wants to keep "face" by paying), some token of appreciation would be welcome - however small (eg. cooking him a meal).
Mikemcsf (China)
I was recently on an extended trip to Japan and every woman I met there asked to pay half, get the second round, or pay for the next meal/coffee/drink. I found it very refreshing. Back in HK, I was out with a successful, well-dressed woman who looked away when the bill came. It ruined what was otherwise a nice first and blind date. I would have insisted on paying anyway, but within a few minutes it turned a nice evening into a, "Why am I here and will I ever meet anybody again?" experience.
vallient (US)
In American culture the standard is still that the guy pays at least for the first couple dates. If after the third date they are still dating, then they can talk about going "dutch" after that. The way it works in practice after the second date, the woman may offer to split the bill or pick it up and the guy should of course refuse and the woman should let him. After the third date the guy might allow the woman to pick up lunch or coffee. After a few more dates the woman should be a bit more insistent about splitting the bill.
Sunshine (China)
Personally, I do not think it is a "western" vs. "eastern" culture issue; it is about how to treat your date with respect. When a guy asks me out on our first date and offers to pay, I will normally offer my half. But if the guy insists on paying, I will accept that gracefully and thank him to show my appreciation. I will then offer to pay if we go out on a second date, but if he picks up the tap again, I will definitely find a way to pay for drinks or dessert afterwards. I guess it all comes down to what makes both of you comfortable as there's really no right or wrong answer.
Godzai (US)
Women want equality, then they also want to never pay their fair share? You can't always have it both ways ladies. If I am always paying, I will also expect you to clean my house and do my laundry. Equal treatment means equal responsibility. Choose one. No double standards.
James (US)
That is why the first date should always be Dutch so that way you weed out the women who use men for free expensive meals.
Johnson (US)
I believe that I (a man) should pay most of the time. I think it's occasionally okay to let the woman pay if she wants to express appreciation for my paying all of the time. I appreciate her when she occasionally offers to pay. Related to this, I think women should regularly express appreciation, and not take for granted the fact that I pay all or the vast majority of the time. If they begin to take my spending or generosity for granted, I can get quietly annoyed. I can feel that she might be taking advantage of my generosity, on occasion, if she doesn't express appreciation.
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