亲爱的读者妹妹们，20刚出头的你们是否对生活充满了迷茫与无助，是否对自己的未来充满了好奇。这里有几位“奔4”的知心大姐姐，她们热情奔放，人生经验丰富，现在就来听听她们是如何解答你心中的各种疑惑的吧。
Q1: What should I say to my parents when they start putting pressure on me to settle down and get married and pop out babies?
父母逼婚，要我成家生娃，我该咋回答？
Bim Adewunmi:
Smile, clutch your womb, and yell, “DO YOU HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING? STOP SHAMING ME.” Seriously, though. Do you want to get married and have kids? If yes, tell them you'll let them know as and when. If no: Make that clear. It's your life.
微笑，抱着肚子，对着它大喊：“你听到他们说了啥了吗？别再让我丢人了。”好吧，严肃点。你真的希望现在结婚生子吗？如果是的，告诉他们时候到了自然会告诉他们。如果不是，直接说清楚。这是你自己的人生。
Laura Silver:
“Piss off.” No, but seriously, you should just say, “Parents, I know that you chose to validate your existence by pursuing the heteronormative dream of family and thanks for the life and everything, but I'll be getting my fulfillment from [insert your own glorious achievements] right now, deal with it.”
“滚蛋。”并不是。你应该说：“爸妈，我知道你们通过追求异性恋价值观为标准的家庭梦来证明自己的存在价值，我也很感激你们生下了我，但我现在只想通过（此处加入你自己的伟大成就）来实现自己的价值。你们看着办吧。”
Kimberley Dadds:
Do the mature thing and roll your eyes as hard as you can.
表现得成熟一点，使出吃奶的劲儿翻白眼。
Hayley Campbell:
Just because your parents dashed their hopes and dreams for world domination and fit abs in favor of wiping your butt for three years on the regular doesn't mean you have to. Laugh and laugh and laugh and ask them to pass the salt.
不能因为你爹妈抛弃了他们统治世界的希望和梦想以及健美的小腹，而选择去给你擦三年的屁股，就说明你也应该这么做啊。哈哈哈哈哈傻笑着让他们帮忙把盐递过来。
Q2: Where's the best place to meet good men? (If men are your thing.)
哪里可以遇到好男人？（如果你喜欢的是男性的话）
Bim:
LOL, all the men are dead. The plot of "Y: The Last Man" happened. No more men. I mean, I dunno. They're out there, but sadly I have never received directions to the mythical place they reside, so rather than go on a fruitless search, just assume they'll stumble into your path like startled deer. You won't find them at the library, let me tell you.
哈哈，男人都死光了。漫画《最后一个男人》里的情节真的会发生哦。没男人了。好吧，我也不知道。大概他们就在某个地方，令人伤感的是我从来没收到过路线图，告诉我他们所在的神秘地点。所以，与其费力寻找却一无所获，不如假设他们会像受惊的小鹿一样一头撞进你的人生。诚恳地告诉你，你肯定不会在图书馆找到他们的。
Kim:
Well I found my good man while I was pissed out of my face at a music festival, so I recommend that. But seriously, this magical place does not exist. You'll meet someone randomly rather than at one specific place where they will all magically be there waiting for you.
好吧，我遇到我的好男人是在音乐节上，当时我正烂醉如泥，所以我推荐这个场合好了。不过严肃地说，这种神奇的地方并不存在。你会在不经意间遇到某个人，而不是他们全都在某个特定地点奇迹般地等着你。
Q3: What should I do if my partner cheats on me?
男友出轨怎么办？
Hayley:
I don't think people who should be together forever break up because of something huge like cheating. It's the tiny, daily unkindnesses that kill real relationships dead. It's when you stop saying good morning to each other, when you stop inviting them along to things, when you freeze each other out. Real relationships die sadly and quietly; short ones die in a rage.
我不认为能一辈子在一起的两个人，会因为出轨这种大事而分手。反而是一些细小的日常的恶意会导致真正的感情的终结。也就是你不再说早安，不再邀请对方共同做一些事，开始冷漠对方的时候。真正的感情逝去时悲哀而宁静；只有短暂的感情才会在怒火中消亡。
Kim:
Scream, shout, then get rid of them. Then decide what's best for you. I'd like to leave it at that but each case is different. Some people can work through their problems and rebuild the trust. But if all trust is lost there's only one option: Get the f**k out and go find someone who deserves you more. You'll be unhappy if you stay in an untrusting relationship.
尖叫、怒吼，然后甩了他。然后再决定什么才最适合我。我愿意就这样算了，但每人的情况不同。一些人可以通过解决问题来重新建立信任。如果彼此都失去了信任，那就只有一个选择：赶紧结束，去找更适合你的人。停留在一段没有信任的关系里是很痛苦的。
Q4: How do I get rid of old friends that are actually kind of awful?
怎样摆脱讨人嫌的旧朋友？
Laura:
Sweet, sweet silence. Answer their texts with curt but neutral statements, or don't answer them at all. Become consistently unavailable. Smile blankly and ask them no questions at the inevitable mutual friend's birthday. They'll get the picture.
甜蜜的沉默。用简短而中立的语言回复他们的短信，或者压根就别回复了。时刻都表现出没空搭理他们。在无法避免的朋友生日派对上，报之以敷衍的微笑，避免交谈。他们会感受到的。
Kim:
Just stop calling and hanging out with them. If they make you unhappy you don't have time for them in your life.
别再给他们打电话，或一起玩。如果他们让你觉得不开心，你也没有必要为他们付出你的时间。
Q5: Is it OK if I want to stay in on a Saturday night or does that make me a total loser?
如果我周六晚上只想宅在家里行不行，会不会让人觉得自己太失败？
Laura:
You're a loser if you go out when you don't want to. Recognizing what you want and doing it, and feeling good about that, is the best thing about your thirties.
如果你不想出门社交还硬着头皮去才是个失败者。认清自己想要的，再去做，并享受这个过程。这是三十几岁最美好的事。
Kim:
It's more than OK. It's advised. Put your pizza place on speed dial and sit there being comfy and smug.
不仅行，而且强烈建议。叫个披萨，舒舒服服坐在家里，就是这么得意！
Q6: What should I do if men at work are getting more praise than me even though they're the worst?
男人的工作就算做得再差，受到的夸奖也总比女人多，我该怎么办？
Laura:
Do you know why men get loads of praise at work? Because they spend 90% of their time whining on to everyone around them about how great they think they are. If you can't beat them, join them, and I'll bet you've got far more to big yourself up about.
你知道为什么男人在工作中总是被赞成花儿么？因为他们90%的时间都在跟周围人嚷嚷自己有多了不起。如果你不能打败他，那就加入他们，我敢保证你能吹嘘的东西比他们多得多。
Bim:
In my experience, nobody myth-makes like men. They love a bit of myth-making. So, as far as your internal systems of fuckery allow, do the same. Big yourself up where possible. Life is short and you are deserving of the rewards that come with workplace achievement. Toot your horn, lady. TOOT IT.
根据我的经验，男人是头号爱制造神话的人，他们喜欢故弄玄虚。所以，按照你能达到的混蛋程度，依葫芦画瓢就是。能推销的时候就尽力推销自己。生命有限，你在工作中得到的成就应该获得赏识。女士们，吹起你的号角来。吹起来！
Hayley:
Take up the same exhibitionism they're so evidently great at. No one notices anything until you stick it in their face, you know that.
这些暴露狂擅长的东西咱们也能做。你要不把自己的成绩扔到他们面前，他们压根就看不见。你懂的。
Q7: How should I negotiate a salary when I get a job?
找到工作后如何与公司谈薪水问题？
Laura:
Always ask for a shitload more than you actually want, because you'll always get less than what you ask for. You might have to be a bit sly and play your old employer off against your potential new one a bit. Tell your current employer you've been offered XX elsewhere and if you're any good, they'll offer you more to stay. Report this new figure back to your potential new employer, and BINGO, they should offer you more if they're keen. All that said, play the long game too: If a job's a good career move, or it's something you'll truly love, it can be worth taking the lower offer. That extra ￡5,000 won't taste so sweet at a job you hate.
讲出来的薪水一定要比心理期望的高，因为你最后的工资绝对会比你想要的少。你可能还得耍点小心眼，把自己的老东家搬出来和新雇主谈判。先告诉目前的公司，有个公司出多少钱要挖你过去，如果你真的很优秀，老雇主会出更多的钱把你留下。然后你就可以把这个薪水数目告诉你想跳槽的这家公司，搞定！他们如果想要你，应该会给出更高的工资。虽然这么说，还是得从长远打算。如果这份工作是职业发展上的良好的一步，或者这是真正热爱的事业，薪酬少一点也是值得的。如果你讨厌一份工作，多赚5千镑也不会有多开心。
Bim:
When I changed jobs, my sister gave me some advice. "Get Lean In and read the bit about negotiating," she said. Another friend of mine told me to always ask for 20% more than you would actually be comfortable with earning. The important thing is that you ask for more (because historically women do not) and the thing is, there's always money somewhere. Have solid reasons for why you're worth this money – no one can argue with hard facts, can they?
我换工作的时候，我老姐给了我一些建议：“把《向前一步》找来，读读里面关于谈判的部分。”还有一个朋友告诉我要和公司提出高于心理预期20%的薪水。最重要的是，你要敢于索求更多（因为以往大多数女性并不会这样做），而且哪里都有钱可赚。你要有站得住脚的理由说明你为什么值这个价，没有人会与事实争辩，对吗？
Q8: Will I know what I'm doing with my life when I turn 30?
我三十岁的时候会知道自己在做什么吗？
Bim:
Maybe. I mean, it's highly likely, but not at all required.
或许吧，很有可能，但也不是非要知道。
Laura:
You might. You might not. You're likely to be more satisfied with your lot whatever that turns out to be, though.
或许知道，或许不知道。不过，不管你变成怎样，你都可能会更满足于自己的命运。
Kim:
Nope. You might be a bit more sorted than you were when you turned 20, or you might need to completely overhaul your life. You'll still be a little lost in some aspects as you'll never think absolutely everything is perfect. But you will be a lot more content.
不会。但你大概会比二十岁的时候更清醒些，或者你会想重新规划自己的生活。你仍然会在某些方面感觉失落，因为你绝不会认为所有事都能完美。不过你会更加满足。
Hayley:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
哈哈哈哈哈哈
Q9: I hate my housemates! What should I do?
我讨厌自己的室友！该怎么办才好？
Laura:
Get new roommates if they're really bad. But also, suck it the fuck up. Living with people is hard, and unless you're rich or willing to throw down your cards and live with a partner early (don't, it's bullshit and you'll lose half your records and books in the end, guaranteed), you'll have roommates. Pick your battles, learn to compromise.
如果真那么糟糕，可以找一个新室友，与人同住是不容易。不过除非你是个土豪，或是愿意早早丢掉自己的筹码，和男朋友同居（千万不要，我保证你到最后会少掉一半的唱片和书），你大概还是要找个室友。选好你的战场，学会妥协。
Kim:
Well, that sucks. I've not been in this situation, but in your thirties you don't put up with that kind of thing. I'd either make it so they want to leave or just get looking for somewhere else.
这种事的确很糟心，我没经历过这样的状况。不过在三十多岁的时候你可不会忍受这种事。我要么会说清楚让他们搬走，要么就自己换一个地方住。
Q10: What if I never learn how to cook?
我不会做饭该咋办？
Bim:
The world won't end, and you will still manage to nourish your body. Amazing, I know. Someone tell my mother.
世界末日不会来的，你还是能勉强维持身体营养的。很神奇吧！我懂。有人和我妈就这么说的。
Laura:
Learn to cook as much as you can be arsed to. I love cooking and will spend hours watching YouTube videos about the correct way to spatchcock a chicken. My housemate doesn't and stir-fries broccoli to her heart's content. We're both happy, healthy, and well-nourished.
你就勉为其难，尽力学些吧。我热爱烹饪，会花几个小时在Youtube上看如何正确清理鸡肉。我的室友不做鸡肉，但是会做自己心爱的清炒西兰花。我们都很开心，健康，没有营养不良。
Kim:
Find someone who loves cooking so you never have to.
找一个爱做饭的另一半就解决啦！
Hayley:
I like collecting skills I could feasibly use in an apocalypse and this is one of them. Apparently cooking is just reading a list of instructions and then doing those things like a robot.
我喜欢学习一些赶上大灾大难时能用得上的实用技能。做饭就是其一。显然做饭就是照着一堆食谱，像机器人一样去做就好。
Q11: What do you wish you knew when you were 20?
你希望自己在20岁的时候能知道什么？
Laura:
That you can do whatever you want, no matter where you come from. I never even entertained the idea of becoming a journalist when I was 22, because I thought it was a career only open to a few lucky Oxbridge graduates. I thought those jobs were simply not for the likes of me. It took me until I was 26, doing unfulfilling jobs that I hated, to realize I was completely wrong, and then I kicked down every door that wasn't automatically opened for me. Opportunities do come more easily to some than others, true, but if you want something enough, only you can make it happen.
我希望自己明白：你想做什么就去做，从哪里来并不重要。我22岁时，想都没想过能当一名记者，因为我觉得这种职业只是为牛津剑桥的幸运儿们准备的，肯定不是像我这样的人。直到26岁时，在做了一堆我讨厌的毫无成就感的工作后，我才意识到，我大错特错了。于是我踢开了所有不是自动为我敞开的门。机遇对于某些人来说确实来得更容易，这不假，但如果你想得到更多，只有你自己努力才行。
I also wish I'd known to enjoy the milder hangovers while they lasted.
我同时还希望自己能享受一下轻微的宿醉是什么感觉。
Hayley:
That no one actually knows what they're doing or what they want to do and that yeah, hangovers are not real hangovers when you're 22. Hangovers now are like death previews.
没人知道自己在做什么，或想做什么。嗯，22岁时的宿醉不是真的宿醉。现在的宿醉就好像是死亡预演。
Bim:
That life is short but it's also really long, so try to make some good decisions, some of the time. Also: Kiss more people.
生命很短暂但也真长，所以时不时试着做出些正确的决定。还有：亲吻更多的人。
（编辑 左卓）
