一爹带四娃，痛并快乐着……不过你们知不知道还有一种爹叫“坑娃神爹”

只能睡床边的无奈

Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'.

我想知道是只有我还是全世界男人都要学习在8英寸的床边上睡觉？不管床多大，不管床上睡着几个人，我始终觉得我是被嫌弃的，只能被挤到“男人区”。

On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long.

再床的另一边，@孩子妈整晚海星式睡姿。

分分钟掌握新技能

A shed load of nappies, baby crack (milk powder), toys  - There was still enough room for half my family in there!

装了一堆尿不湿、奶粉、玩具之后，还有足够的空间装下半家子呢！

But @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased that i'd used her prized leather @kerikitbags for lols

但是@孩子妈已经不开心了，因为这是用她的皮包做的，笑死。。。

带娃洗澡是个体力活，生无可恋

臭丫头……你哭我也哭

人肉爬梯，总共能挂几个

If there is one thing that us dads are good for its being used as a mobile human climbing frame. I am trying to see how many family members can hang off me.

超级奶爸的擅长的一件事就是人肉爬梯。我正在努力尝试看看最多能载家里几口人。

Now all I need it for @mother_of_daughters to get on my back and the twins to rest of my shoulders and the award is surely mine.

现在我需要背着@孩子妈，再让两个双胞胎骑到我两个肩膀上，这个奖当然要颁给我。

不给喂奶就这样蹂躏我！ 报警了！

萌萌两小只，赶都赶不走

These two have been round my ankles all day, literally. I've been walking around as if there's broken glass on the floor to avoid stepping on them.
两个宝宝整天在我脚边转悠……我要像小心地上的玻璃碴子一样小心翼翼地走，生怕踩到这两小只。

骗骗女儿，结果坑了自己

Why, oh why did I give my eldest an ipod touch? My inbox is now full of emoji based spam from my bored daughter.

哦，我为什么要把itouch给大女儿玩呢？现在我的收件箱里全是我那无聊的女儿发来的欲哭无泪的表情。

I convinced her that because I'm 8 hours ahead of her (I.e. in the future), I could send her the lottery numbers and she's guarenteed to win as I already know the winning ones.

我骗她说因为我这边的时间比她快8个小时（我穿越到了未来）我能给她发大乐透号码，我保证她能中奖因为我已经知道开奖号码了。

悲催的奶粉专家，超市达人

Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops.

又是个周一，最后一秒冲进超市。

New parents seem to gravitate to me as an "experienced parent" and ask "do you know where so and so is please?"

新的父母总是自然地把我当做“有经验的父母”，大家总在问我：“你知道这个和这个在哪儿么？”

My reponse - "Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount"

我回答：“当然，3层，半道左手边，买三个有折扣！”

I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts.
之前我这脑子是用来处理全球企业大问题的，现在却来算怎么买更划算了。

和小公举们一起逛饰品店的下场

What do you get if you cross Claires Accessories with 4 girls?

如果你和四个小姑娘一起去饰品店，你会得到什么？

10 minutes of dressing up followed by 20 minutes of trying to get them to leave.

花十分钟打扮她们，再花二十分钟劝她们走。

装成熊孩子讨饭吃

I seem to forget to feed myself sometimes. I tried crouching between them in the hope @mother_of_daughters would feed me too.

讲真，我有时忘记给自己喂饭。我试着缩在她们， 希望@孩子妈也能喂我一口饭。

Get between these girls & their food and you may just lose a finger.

苟且在这些熊孩子和她们的食物之间，你的手指还可能被啃掉。

来自熊孩子们的报复

带着孩子做饭=自讨苦吃