📖 导读
在这一章节中，家庭关系的暗流与个人秘密的张力交织升级。爱丽丝的新恋情像一场闹剧，其浮夸的炫耀与葆拉对她恋爱“保质期”的预判形成讽刺；乔治娅的学业选择引发家庭内部的微妙互动，罗伯特的沉默与葆拉的期待暗藏矛盾；而葆拉与乔希精心策划的“联合声明”计划，在对伴侣关系的虚伪“大度”掩饰下，更显其背叛的决心与对“冲击力”的刻意追求。从餐桌旁的日常闲聊到暗中布局的秘密计划，每一处细节都在勾勒人物的复杂心态，也让这场关于婚姻、背叛与自我追求的戏剧，朝着更具冲击力的方向悄然推进。
📖 Chapter 37
“I’d take any old course just to get to uni. Why wait another year before you start having fun? And you might still be able to go to Bristol. They have a great drama course. Although that would probably be hard to get on to this late in the day. You could go and do English or something and transfer …’
Guess who’s round?
I forgot that, in my effort to be wife of the year, I had told Alice to make sure she set aside a weekend night to come and have a farewell dinner with Georgia. I didn’t want to make it the last weekend George would be home because I wanted her all to myself then, and Georgia had plans for the two before, so we settled on this one. And then, when it turned out Georgia wasn’t leaving home after all, I forgot to cancel.
Robert is, of course, delighted. Listening indulgently to his sister’s bullshit with a smile on his face. I wait for him to step in and defend George’s choices but he just sits there, nodding.
‘It’s fine, Auntie Alice,’ Georgia says, just as I’m about to steam in. ‘It’s worth waiting another year to do what I really want to do.’
We’re sitting at the kitchen table. Alice in her faded ripped jeans, ballet flats and a flowy peasant blouse, with tousled hair and smudged mascara, is vaping away like a good ’un. Two bottles are open on the table – red for me and Robert, white for Alice and Georgia. Tesco’s finest.
We’ve already lived through Alice’s thoughts on my weight loss. Her: ‘You look amazing! If you keep going like this you’ll be thin in no time’. Me: ‘Actually, I’m feeling happy as I am. I don’t really want to lose much more. Just tone up.’ Her (giving me the kind of pitying look you give the malnourished, runty schoolboy who tells you he wants to be a rugby quarterback): ‘Of course. Good for you.’
Now she moves on to another old favourite, berating Robert for not putting a word in for her with the Farmer Giles casting director. I tune out, think about Josh and the plan we’re about to put in place.
We have to think of a way to get the four of us – me and Robert, Josh and Saskia – in the same place so that Josh and I can make our big announcement. We agonized over whether telling them together was the way to go, or whether we should each break it to our own partner in private. On balance, we thought it would be good for us to present a united front, for them to see us together, so obviously a couple. It seems more definite, more shocking. And shock value is what we’re going for.
So we’ve decided that Josh will throw another party. I’ll invite myself to come along. Somewhere during the evening (we’re a bit hazy on this part) we will take them into Josh’s study and break our news.
We’re pretty confident that we have a bit of time on our side. Josh had a sneaky look at Saskia’s latest Amex statement and discovered that she has ordered some very expensive items from Heals, so I dug out my best ‘Saskia Sherbourne’s assistant’ voice again, and rang up, asking to check on the delivery date. I was told that the sofa and coffee table were being delivered in just over a week’s time, but the bed not for another two and a half. There is no way, Josh and I surmised, that Robert and Saskia are going to move into the nest without a bed. Of course, if they were that desperate to get away from the two of us, they could go to a hotel but, we figure, they’ve stuck it out this long, what’s a couple more weeks?
So Josh is going to organize the do for two weekends’ time. That way Saskia won’t be wondering why the sudden urge for a gathering. And, as luck would have it, it’s her birthday in a couple of weeks, so that will give him the excuse he needs.
‘Her forty-fourth?’ I say when he tells me. We’re chatting on the phone. We haven’t seen each other in the flesh since our night out, but the memory of the kiss is still front and centre of my mind.
‘God, no!’ he says, in mock-horror. ‘Forty-second. Or third. Or maybe even first. I lose track.’
‘It’s so sad that she thinks a couple of years makes all the difference.’
‘I don’t think she does. But she’s stuck with it now, she’s kept the pretence up for so long.’
Josh and I are making a big effort to be generous when we talk about our partners. We’re trying very hard to be the nice guys.
Alice has a new boyfriend she wants to introduce to us. Oh joy. Over the years I’ve managed to avoid having to meet most of them because they come and go so fast and, usually, if duty called, I would just send Robert to oblige. I remember one who was supposed to be some kind of millionnaire businessman but disappeared to the loo as soon as the bill arrived, and one who clearly was wealthy but couldn’t seem to give us an explanation why. I think that one ended up in prison, actually.
Alice is hardwired to be incapable of not driving every man she dates to the brink of insanity. Her self-obsession, her paranoia, her inflated sense of her own importance. Her refusal to eat anything that might accidentally have a couple of calories in it. So the fact that this one has, apparently, lasted three months is big news. Not that I have any interest in meeting him. None.
Of course, I can’t say this, so I find myself agreeing to a dinner on Thursday night. Alice tells us he – Ivan – will be able to get us a reservation at City Social even though it’s such short notice, because he’s very well connected. She waits for us to be impressed. I can’t quite muster it but Robert indulges her and oohs and aahs.
I ask her what he does and she tells me he’s a film producer. She rattles off a list of films he’s had an involvement in, some of which I’ve heard of, but, as most films have a gazillion producers and half of those have just contributed sums of money that they hope to recoup with interest, it’s not necessarily a job in itself.
She’s very over-excited about how it’s going. ‘I really think this could be it,’ she says dreamily. Mentally, I give it another month.
Later I text Josh. ‘Can’t we pull the plan forward? I’ve got to meet Alice’s new boyfriend on Thursday and I need a way out of it.’
He rewards me with a smiley face that I’d find irritating coming from anyone else, but – like Alice with her new boyfriend, I realize – I am in the phase of being blind to his faults. Maybe he just feels that a silent expression of laughter counteracts all the ‘haha!’s he’s been subjected to over the years.
📖 译文
“只要能上大学，什么老掉牙的课程我都愿意读。何必再多等一年才开始享受生活？你说不定还能去布里斯托尔呢，他们戏剧专业很棒——不过现在这么晚了可能很难申请上。你可以先去读英语之类的专业再转过去……”
猜猜谁来了？
我忘了自己为了竞选“年度模范妻子”，早前特地嘱咐爱丽丝务必空出个周末晚上来和乔治娅吃告别宴。我没选乔治在家的最后一个周末——那时我想独占女儿——而乔治娅前两个周末已有安排，最终就定了今晚。后来既然乔治娅根本不离家了，我却忘了取消饭局。
罗伯特自然是喜出望外，纵容地听着他妹妹的胡说八道，脸上还挂着笑。我等着他插话为乔治的选择辩护，他却只坐在那儿点头。
“没关系的，爱丽丝阿姨。”乔治娅开口时，我正要发火。“为真正想做的事多等一年很值得。”
我们围坐在厨房餐桌旁。爱丽丝穿着褪色的破洞牛仔裤、芭蕾平底鞋和飘逸的田园风衬衫，头发蓬乱，睫毛膏晕成黑眼圈，正起劲地抽着电子烟。桌上开着两瓶酒——我和罗伯特喝红酒，爱丽丝和乔治娅喝白葡萄酒，都是乐购超市的高端货色。
我们已经聆听了爱丽丝对我减肥成果的高见。她说：“你看起来美极了！照这样下去很快就能瘦成一道闪电！”我说：“其实我对现在状态很满意，不想再减了，塑塑形就好。”她立刻投来那种怜悯的目光——就像听见营养不良的矮小学生说想当橄榄球四分卫时的表情——回道：“当然，你开心就好。”
现在她又开始另一个经典节目：抱怨罗伯特没在《农夫贾尔斯》选角导演面前替她美言。我放空思绪，想着乔希和我们即将实施的计划。
我们得设法让四人——我和罗伯特，乔希和萨斯基亚——聚在一起，才好宣布我们的大事。我们纠结过是该一起摊牌，还是各自私下向伴侣坦白。权衡之后，觉得还是统一战线更好，要让他们亲眼看见我们站在一起的模样，看见我们俨然一对的样子。这样更确凿，更震撼——而我们要的就是震撼效果。
于是我们决定让乔希再办一次派对。我会不请自去。在夜晚的某个时刻（这部分还没细想），我们将带他们进乔希的书房投下重磅炸弹。
我们确信时间站在我们这边。乔希偷看了萨斯基亚最新的运通账单，发现她从Heals订购了几件昂贵家具。于是我再次捏起最拿手的“萨斯基亚·舍伯恩助理”腔调致电查询送货日期，得知沙发和茶几一周后送达，但床要两个半星期后才发货。我和乔希推测，罗伯特和萨斯基亚绝不可能在没有床的情况下搬进新巢。当然，若他们真迫不及待想逃离我们，也可以去酒店——但我们觉得既然都忍了这么久，再多两三周又何妨？
乔希打算把派对定在两周后的周末。这样萨斯基亚不会疑心为何突然要聚会。而且碰巧再过几周是她生日，正好给了他筹备的理由。
“她四十四岁生日？”电话里我问他。自那晚约会后我们再未见面，但那个吻始终盘踞在我脑海中央。
“天啊，当然不是！”他故作惊恐，“四十二岁？或者四十三？可能才四十一？我记不清了。”
“真可悲，她居然觉得差几岁能有多大区别。”
“我倒不觉得她真这么想。只是谎撒得太久，现在骑虎难下了。”
我和乔希聊天时刻意保持着对伴侣的宽容，努力扮演善解人意的角色。
爱丽丝想介绍新男友给我们认识。真是惊喜。这些年我成功避开了她大部分男友——他们来得快去得也快。通常需要应酬时，我就派罗伯特当代表。记得有个自称百万富翁的生意人，账单一来就躲进洗手间；还有个明显阔绰却说不清财富来源的——后来好像进了监狱。
爱丽丝天生有种本事，能把每个约会对象逼到崩溃边缘：她的自我陶醉、疑神疑鬼、自视甚高，还有拒绝摄入任何可能含卡路里的食物。所以这位能坚持三个月实属大新闻。不过我对他毫无兴趣——半点都没有。
当然这话不能说出口，于是我只好答应周四共进晚餐。爱丽丝说这位伊凡人脉广，就算临时通知也能在City Social订到位。她等着我们惊叹。我实在捧不了场，但罗伯特配合地发出啧啧赞叹。
我问伊凡从事什么职业，她说是电影制片人，如数家珍地报出一串参与制作的影片——有些我确实听过。但大多数电影挂着成百上千个制片人头衔，其中半数只是投钱等分红，这头衔本身说明不了什么。
她激动得语无伦次：“我真的觉得这次不一样。”她憧憬地说。我心里暗想：最多再撑一个月。
后来我给乔希发信息：“计划能提前吗？周四要见爱丽丝的新男友，我得找借口脱身。”
他回了个笑脸表情。若换作别人发这个我会恼火，但——我意识到自己就像爱丽丝对待新男友那样——正处在对他滤镜最重的阶段。或许他只是觉得，用沉默的微笑能抵消这些年来被迫收到的所有“哈哈”。
📖 注释
📝 英语语言点与俚语
📌Any old course
原文："I’d take any old course..."
解释：固定搭配。“any old” 不指“老”，而是“任何一个”、“随便哪个”的意思，带有随意、不挑剔的语气。
📌A great 'un
原文："...is vaping away like a good ’un."
解释：英式俚语。“'un” 是 “one” 的缩写。“a good 'un” 或 “a great 'un” 意为“一个厉害的家伙/事物”，这里形容爱丽丝抽烟的劲头很足。
📌Tesco’s finest
原文："Tesco’s finest."
解释：反讽用法。Tesco（乐购）是英国大众平价超市，其 “Finest” 系列是高端产品线。用在这里，暗示尽管是“最好的”，但终究来自平价超市，体现了说话者微妙的调侃或自嘲。
📌Pull the plan forward
原文："Can’t we pull the plan forward?"
解释：重要短语。“pull forward” 或 “bring forward” 意为“使提前”，反义词是 “put back” （推迟）。文中主角想将计划提前以避开饭局。
📌Oohs and aahs
原文："...Robert indulges her and oohs and aahs."
解释：拟声词，表示发出“哦”、“啊”之类的惊叹声，通常为了表示印象深刻或讨好对方。
📌I give it another month
原文："Mentally, I give it another month."
解释：形象表达。内心预测（她这段恋情）最多再持续一个月，充满了不看好和讽刺。
📌Can’t muster it
原文："I can’t quite muster it..."
解释：“muster” 这里指“聚集（感情、精力等）”。意思是“我实在无法表现出（ impressed ）的感觉”。
📝 文化背景知识
📍大学申请与专业转换
爱丽丝建议乔治娅“先去读英语之类的专业再转过去”。这反映了英国（及许多其他国家）高等教育体系的灵活性。学生可以通过就读一个要求较低的专业进入心仪的大学，之后在满足一定条件后，再申请转入竞争更激烈的专业（如戏剧）。
📍中产阶级生活方式与消费符号
Heals：文中提到的家具店，是英国历史悠久的高端家居品牌，象征中上阶层的品味和消费能力。关注萨斯基亚在此购物，意在刻画其人物形象。
City Social：伦敦金融城的高档餐厅，能在此短时间订到位被视为“人脉广”的象征，体现了爱丽丝新男友所谓的社交能量。
American Express (Amex) ：美国运通卡，常与较高的信用额度和消费水平关联，偷看账单是窥探伴侣秘密的典型情节。
📍影视行业的运作内幕
爱丽丝的新男友是“电影制片人”，叙述者评论“大多数电影挂着成百上千个制片人头衔...只是投钱等分红”。这揭露了电影工业的一个现实——“制片人”头衔可能很泛滥，未必参与创意，有时仅是财务投资者。这为伊凡的身份真实性埋下怀疑的伏笔。
📍英国酒文化
餐桌上有红白葡萄酒，且是“乐购的高端货”。在家用超市酒招待客人是英国常见现象。“超市高端货”是实用主义与面子的折衷，精准反映了普通中产阶级家庭的待客之道。
📍人物形象刻画的文化符号
爱丽丝的装扮：“褪色破洞牛仔裤”、“芭蕾平底鞋”、“田园风衬衫”、“蓬乱头发”、“晕染的睫毛膏”和“电子烟”——所有这些元素共同塑造了一个追求波西米亚风、刻意营造不羁随性形象的中年女性角色，非常典型于英国都市的某些社会圈层。