October 14th
DON’T GET MAD. HELP
“Are you angry when someone’s armpits stink or when their breath is bad? What would be the point? Having such a mouth and such armpits, there’s going to be a smell emanating. You say, they must have sense, can’t they tell how they are offending others? Well, you have sense too, congratulations! So, use your natural reason to awaken theirs, show them, call it out. If the person will listen, you will have cured them without useless anger. No drama nor unseemly show required.”
—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 5.28
The person sitting next to you on the plane, the one who is loudly chattering and knocking around in your space? The one you’re grinding your teeth about, hating from the depth of your soul because they’re rude, ignorant, obnoxious? In these situations, you might feel it takes everything you have to restrain yourself from murdering them.
It’s funny how that thought comes into our heads before, you know, politely asking them to stop, or making the minor scene of asking for a different seat. We’d rather be pissed off, bitter, raging inside than risk an awkward conversation that might actually help this person and make the world a better place. We don’t just want people to be better, we expect it to magically happen—that we can simply will other people to change, burning holes into their skull with our angry stare.
Although when you think about it that way, it makes you wonder who the rude one actually is.
10月14日
不要生气，去帮助别人
“当一个人的腋下散发臭味，或者有口臭时，你会生气吗？生气又有什么意义呢？既然他有那样的嘴巴、那样的腋下，自然就会散发出气味。你说，他们总该有点自觉吧，难道不知道自己正在冒犯别人吗？那么，你也有理性，恭喜你！所以，运用你天生的理性去唤醒他们的理性，向他们指出问题，明确告诉他们。如果对方愿意听，你就能在不发无谓脾气的情况下帮助他们纠正问题。不需要大吵大闹，也不需要任何不得体的表演。”
——马可·奥勒留，《沉思录》，5.28
想想飞机上坐在你旁边的那个人——他大声喋喋不休，还在你的空间里碰来碰去。你气得咬牙切齿，因为他粗鲁、无知、令人讨厌，打心底里恨不得他消失。在这种情况下，你甚至可能觉得，自己已经用尽了全部自制力，才没有把他杀掉。
有意思的是，这种念头竟然会先于一个更简单的想法出现在我们脑海里——比如礼貌地请对方停止这种行为，或者稍微引起一点注意，请求换个座位。我们宁愿气得要命、满怀怨恨、在心里怒火中烧，也不愿冒险进行一次可能有些尴尬的交谈，而这样的交谈实际上可能帮助对方，也让世界变得更好。我们不仅希望别人表现得更好，还期待这种改变会神奇地自动发生——仿佛我们只要用愤怒的目光死死盯着对方，恨不得把他的头骨烧出几个洞来，就能凭意志让他改变。
不过，当你这样想的时候，你不禁会怀疑：到底谁才是真正粗鲁的那个人？
读要读顺口，写要写顺手， 擒字如擒虎，解句如解题。 |