重视细节描述 清晰生动表达
缺乏细节描述，是学生写作的申请essay常出现的一个问题。中国学生写作的common essay缺乏细节描述，通常造成两种不良后果： 一种不良后果是，让读者在读一篇essay时，感觉内容有些难以理解，突兀，事情前后连贯不上。例如，有个学生在一篇common essay的开头这样写道： I became interested in computer programming after I learnt some basic computer knowledge in middle school. I was keen to make some program useful and different. In a music class, I noticed that my music teacher hesitated in finding students to answer her questions as she couldn’t rememberall students’ names. So I decided to make a program to generate a student ID randomly for her questions. 分析：很显然，这样的essay开头不仅让人读来毫无吸引力，并且事情的前因后果也没有交代清楚，令读者如坠雾中。在笔者指导下，该生将制作点名程序的起因用一个故事将事情发生的情景用描述性文字交代得生动清晰，让读者如身处其中旁观事情发展，而制作准备工作也另起一段交代得十分清楚，从而让整篇essay所述事情发展脉络更为清晰且合情合理。经修改后的essay开头读起来也让人饶有兴趣： Nobody raised his hand to answer the question again! I cast aglance at Ms. Zhang and found she was looking at us expecting someone to raise his or her hand. Half a minute had gone away, and we remained silent. Ms. Zhang looked a little awkward and frowned at this. As usual, with a long sigh, she ordered a student to answer the question. I felt a little ashamed. Suddenly an idea came into my mind: why not write a programming to help Ms. Zhang order astudent to answer her question? So I decided to make a program which can generate a student ID randomly for her question and then Ms. Zhang can order a student to answer the question. Easier said than done! It is always the case. Although I was a great computer lover, I just learned some basic computer knowledge in the middle school and also knew little about programming. I bought several books about programming and studied them eagerly. In addition, I learned a lot from a relative who specialized in computer at university. Three weeks passed, I felt I could make the program. So on Saturday, I devoted myself to writing the programming in my bedroom for a whole day. 除了会造成读者看不懂essay内容外，缺乏细节描述造成的另外一种不良后果是会让文章显得很呆板，不生动，读起来十分乏味，让人无兴趣往下读。 相当数量的中国申请学生撰写的common essay缺乏细节描述，只是在机械地描述一件事情发展的过程，事情的发展叙述得就像流水账，毫无节奏感可言。由于事情描写过于概括，写出来的文字苍白无力，使人无法产生具体的联想与想象，从而无法在读者脑海里形成电影画面。在此，我希望同学们在描述一件事情的经过时，要力争对一些情节用生动细腻、栩栩如生的细节描述，让读者有如身临其境、置身其中的感觉。一篇申请essay中，这样的细节描述不必多，一、两处足矣。对于事件的部分内容进行较详细的描述，而一些情节只简略描述，是学生写作的申请essay一定要刻意做到的。这样的话，整篇essay就会显得详略得当、张弛有度。 在描述事情经过时，学生要力争用生动细腻的细节描述，让读者有如身临其境、置身其中的感觉。请看一个学生是怎样描述自己得知比赛获胜激动情形的： Fora few sacred moments, time stopped. My ears screamed, and my lower jaw, defying the grip of my facial muscles, dropped like a draw-bridge. Then I rushed forward, bear-hugged the presenter and embraced everyone else I could lay myhands on. 这样细微详尽的刻画描述，使得一个先惊后喜的人物形象跃然纸上，让读者有如身临其境一般。
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