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‘I’m not saying I’m better than him, I’m just saying the man wears Crocs on the subway’
‘Sorry for unannounced dildos’
‘Trump should’ve had his inauguration at Hongqiao railway station’
‘I was just chasing two monks on Mobikes’
‘Wow, never Google 'rectum lining''
‘Yeah, he had a sword collection in his bed. He was cute though’
‘“I can eat 500g of brisket.” I love the way Shanghai makes you talk’
‘Maybe 100RMB or less, cause that can account for women and tickles’
‘Yesterday she went completely rogue and made the entire second floor cry’
‘His neighbour knocked on the door halfway through and gave us lettuce’
‘I didn’t really enjoy my basket-weaving time anyhow’
‘Gmail auto response set. Guess it’s pretty much official’
‘Two questions: What size head do you have and are you allergic to horses?’
‘I never have any plans and I love it’
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