1. Having a party anthem(有一首派对圣歌)
You don’t choose a party anthem. A party anthem chooses you. Whenever it plays, it is your duty to freak out and dance. And whenever it isn’t playing, it is your duty to hassle whoever is in charge of the music until A) they hate you, and B) they play your jam.
But fast-forward to after college. Five years later you’re throwing your hands up expecting everyone to join you in screaming “From the windooooooooow to the wall!” And they just look at you like it doesn’t even mean party time. It’s a cold world out there full of people who hear Ke$ha and Pitbull only in their ears but not in their hearts.
2. Napping(打盹)
Napping in the middle of the day is the most sacred thing a person can do. And in college, no one says anything about your napping because they’re too busy napping to notice.
Napping has secured its rightful place in academia. But later in life, suddenly, “You must’ve been studying and/or partying really hard — you’ve earned this” turns into, “Wow, you need reevaluate your life.”
3. Pulling an all-nighter(通宵学习)
Staying up all night to do work is awful no matter what. In college, the all-nighter signifies “Wow, I need to get it together.” And after college, the all-nighter signifies “Wow, I REALLY need to get it together. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. What happened to my life?”
4. Going to the library(去图书馆)
The library is THE place to go in college. Even though it’s overflowing with other obnoxious students, they just keep coming back for more. It’s the only time in your life sitting next to shelves of old books seems necessary.
Get ready to never go to another library ever again. And if you do go to one, get ready to be depressed.
5. Drinking games(喝酒游戏)
Competitive drinking is the foundation of higher education. It’s like the beer Olympics. Winning a game of beer pong or flip cup comes with an absurd feeling of glory.
But after college, no one will play with you. And if they do, nobody really cares who wins. There’s no spirit. No pride. No honing the craft. There could even be eye rolling.
6. Making new friends(结交新朋友)
College is the easiest environment to make friends. The verb “make” friends implies you actually had to do something to get those friends. You didn’t. They just manifested themselves. All of a sudden 20 friends came out of nowhere.
But after college, the process of trying to make an actual new friend involves being so creepy and aggressive, it makes the whole concept of friendship seem totally overrated. It might as well be called “painfully cajoling friends” or “squeezing a rock so hard you burst blood vessels in your brain hoping a friend will come out.”
7. Casual hook-ups(随便约炮)
Typically, colleges admit a large pool of students who are looking to bone. Being among a group of like-minded peers can help accomplish common boning goals.
However, outside the higher education bubble, otherwise known as the bone zone, THINGS GET WEIRD. (Or weirder.)
8. Learning(学习)
College students have the special opportunity to stimulate their brains in the noble pursuit of education. Devoting YEARS to learning seems like a good idea. But once its over, the thirst for knowledge quickly withers and dies and when someone tries to tell you new information you have to cover your ears and start screaming until they leave you alone.
9. House parties(开轰趴)
College is one of the few times where going into the unfinished basement of an old, decrepit house full of drunk strangers seems like a good idea/fun. Soon, it will be all polite board games and leaving by 11 p.m. instead of sleeping on the floor.
10. Wearing pajamas in public(在公共场合穿睡衣)
No one can stop you from wearing pajamas outdoors past the age of 22, but they can ask you things like “Are you sure you’re OK?”
11. Theme parties(主题派对)
Ninety-nine percent of college parties have a theme. Whether it’s sexually promiscuous tennis players or people who only time traveled 20 years into the future, it will require a mild to moderate costume, which ups the fun factor by a good 5%.
But after college, if you have a costume party that’s not on Halloween, you might as well be asking people to punch themselves in the face.
12. Public vomiting(在公共场合呕吐)
Admittedly, vomiting isn’t great. But in college, the vomit margin is wide. It’s kind of like sneezing. And then after college, if you vomit within view of other people, it’s just like, “Whooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa there, buddy.”
By Joanna Borns