Will arthritis change our relationship?
Most couples – whether they have arthritis or not – go through phases in their relationship when their sex life is less exciting or satisfying than it was. There may be physical reasons for this but emotional factors and stress often play a part. Emotional upsets, work or money worries can all affect the balance of a relationship.
Arthritis can present a number of challenges in a relationship:
· Pain and fatigue may reduce your enjoyment of sex and other activities and interests that you share with your partner.
· Arthritis may mean that you can’t always manage the household jobs you usually do, or you may need help with them.
· If your arthritis affects your work, it may lead to financial worries.
· Having arthritis may affect your mood and self-esteem.
· Your partner will be concerned about how the condition is affecting you.
Although your relationship may change because of arthritis, it doesn’t have to be a negative change. Many couples find that they become closer by discussing things openly and that their relationship is stronger as a result. Talk about the changing situation and any challenges that you face so you can arrive at a solution that’s right for both of you.
For example, most people with arthritis prefer to keep as much independence as possible, so a partner taking on the role of carer will need to find the right balance between providing help and support without being overprotective. It can be difficult for a caring partner to recognise that their help isn't always wanted.
Some couples find it difficult at first to talk openly, so you need to create a comfortable, relaxed time to talk. But once open communication has started it can be a great relief for both partners.
Will arthritis affect my sex life?
There are a number of ways that arthritis can affect your sex life:
· Arthritis can affect your mood and general well-being which, in turn, can affect your sex drive.
· Swollen joints can affect your self-confidence and make you feel less attractive.
· Fatigue associated with arthritis can reduce your sexual desire. Your healthcare team can advise you on ways of managing fatigue and conserving energy – more information is available in our fatigue section.
· Painful joints may make it more difficult to move into a position you’re used to.
· Arthritis sometimes leads to a dry vagina, which may make sex uncomfortable.
Water-based lubricating gels such as KY Jelly or Aquagel may help. You can get these on prescription or from a pharmacy, supermarket or online. Oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline or baby oil may irritate your skin or damage condoms.
If you're going through the menopause this can cause vaginal dryness – discuss this with your doctor as treatment is available.
Sex isn't equally important to all couples, but if it has been important to you and your partner then you should try to find ways to meet both your needs.
Most people with arthritis find that their pain can vary from day to day, so you may want to make the most of opportunities on your better days. If you experiment with different positions, you should be able to find some that are more comfortable for your joints.
How can we overcome difficulties with sex?
Below are just a few ideas on how to overcome any issues that arthritis may cause for your relationship:
Keep active
Your sex drive and enjoyment is generally greater if you feel fit and active.
Exercising will help you keep up your muscle strength and tone and the range of movement in your joints.
Talk about it
Be prepared to talk openly with your partner about your concerns, whether it’s a physical or emotional problem. Fear of pain may make you apprehensive about sex, but your partner may also be scared of hurting you. Sometimes worries like this lead couples to avoid sex and physical intimacy.
Let your partner know if something is uncomfortable, but tell them what feels good too. If things don’t get better after you’ve talked to each other, consider involving someone from a professional organisation. Your doctor can refer you.
Plan ahead
When pain is a problem, take painkillers about an hour before having sex. This may not seem very spontaneous but it’s worthwhile if it makes sex more comfortable.
Your joints may also feel more comfortable after a hot bath or shower – why not share one with your partner?
Our information on fatigue can give you more tips about planning and pacing yourself to help you keep doing activities you enjoy.
Relax
Massage can help relax joints and muscles, and this can form part of foreplay.
Try a different position
There are many positions you can try with one or both partners standing, kneeling or sitting. If one position puts a strain on your joints, it’s worth experimenting with others. Or try using cushions, pillows or different pieces of furniture to support you.
Penetrative sex isn’t the only way to achieve sexual satisfaction. Many couples find kissing, caressing and mutual masturbation just as enjoyable. Oral sex can also be pleasurable, although it may cause discomfort if you have a painful jaw joint.
Sex aids such as vibrators are readily available online or from mail-order catalogues (they are usually sent out in discreet packaging). These are used much more widely than many people realise and can be particularly helpful to relax painful joints and muscles as well as for genital stimulation.
JK-Clive Pain Clinic specializes in management of acute and chronic pain caused by various "sports injuries" and "degenerative diseases",we are located in Beijing Sanfine International Hospital and our services can be paid directly by most of the international insurance.
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If you have any questions about muscles and joint pain.
Past recommendations
1.Arthritisand Activities of Daily Living
2.How to Heal Arthritis Naturally
3.Can Any Type of Arthritis Be Reversed?
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