Closeness to others, particularly our intimate other, seems to guarantee that we'll have periodic skirmishes and unavoidable friction simply because of our individual differences. But how much do our gender role expectations amplify our differences and thus play a role in turning up the conflictual heat?
由于个体间的差异，我们似乎必须习惯亲密关系中周期性不时的冲突和不可避免的摩擦。但我们的对性别的角色期望多大程度放大了亲密关系中两者的差异，从而导致冲突加剧？
According to a study conducted in 2017, 58 percent of the 87,000 women who were intentionally killed were murdered by their intimate partner or a close family member. Globally, 35 percent of female homicides were committed by people who once claimed to love their victims. These and related studies have investigated the gender-based differences between men and women as a contributing factor to these horrifying statistics.
2017年进行的一项研究表明，87，0008万7千名被故意杀害的女性中，有58%是被其她们的伴侣或近亲谋杀的。全球范围内，35%的女性凶杀案是由曾经对其示爱的人犯下的。相关研究认为男女性别差异是这组可怕统计数字背后的影响因素之一。
Who does the killing? Is it gender-related? To what degree can these atrocities be explained by the disparities in gender role expectations? For instance, men are expected to be strong, and women are expected to be caring. Further, women have traditionally occupied social roles of lesser status while men have enjoyed the opposite.
犯罪人群是谁？犯罪是否与性别有关？性别角色期望差异可以在多大程度上解释这些暴行？例如，社会预期中，男性应该强壮，而女性应该体贴。男性对应着强大，女性则对应着体贴;，还有，女性长期担任地位较低的社会角色，男性则相反。
不同的性别何以相互吸引？
在伴侣关系研讨会(couple workshop)上，观众需要被要求喊出他们听到“男性气质(masculine)”和“女性气质(feminine)”时的第一反应，以下是高频反应映用词。
Notice that these lists of descriptive adjectives, or stereotypes, are largely opposites. Like oppositely charged ions that attract and bond to each other, men and women are attracted to their differences, especially at the beginning of their relationships–"opposites attract."
表中显示的两性形容词或形象在很大程度上是相反对反的。就像相互吸引的异性电荷，男人和女人也因差异彼此吸引，尤其表现在关系之初—— “对立面吸引”。
Moreover, during romance, male-female differences are powerful and intoxicating propellants of attraction. Like a welder's torch fuses metal parts, our gender differences meld us together in a heated, complimentary, but usually temporary fashion. For example, by contrast, her softness compliments and affirms his strength, and vice versa.
在恋爱期间，男女差异也具有强大而令人陶醉的吸引力推进作用。性别差异像焊工的割炬融合金属部件一样将男女以一种炽热的、互补的方式短暂地熔融合在一起。例如，女性的柔和与反衬出男性的力量优势相互衬托，反之亦然。
This experience can even be habit-forming, and the popular media–particularly a la Hollywood–supplies us with a steady diet of scintillating romance. In fact, romance is so deeply suffused into our popular culture that we may feel we're missing something, that we're side-lined if we're not hotly romantic ourselves.
这种吸引甚至成为被形塑的习惯形成习惯，好莱坞之类的大众媒体持续稳定地为我们提供名为浪漫的精神食粮。事实上，浪漫充斥于流行文化之中，以至于我们觉得浪漫是生活中不可或缺的一部分。
性别是差异还是不可调和的矛盾？
However, on the negative side, gender differences can also breed romantic illusions nourished by the fantasies of wishful thinking rather than objective realities–who I'd like my partner to be as opposed to who they really are.
然而，消极地说，性别差异也会滋生一厢情愿的幻想，这种的、幻想脱离客观现实的幻想，——我喜欢的是我想象中的他，而不是他们真正的样子。
Realistically speaking, can men be expected to be strong and competent all the time? Haven't men provided undeniable, overwhelming evidence that this is impossible? But what happens when they are expected to try? Can women be expected to be soft, nurturing, and caring all the time? Haven't they, too, provided ample evidence of the unsustainability of these expectations?
实事求是地说，男性是否始终能永远坚强能干？他们的生活给出的答案还不够显而易见和不可否认吗？但是，他们一直以来又被寄寓怎样的期望呢？女性一定就是柔和体贴有教养的吗？她们又何尝不是身体力行地告诉所有人这种形象难以为继？
Sex-role stereotypes are socially transmitted disinformation of a potentially crippling nature. Worse still, in the context of the intimate relationship, they can be a spawning ground of couple hurt, confusion, and conflict as partners try but inevitably fall short of what amounts to unrealistic, unsustainable standards.
性别角色刻板印象是社会广泛传播的虚假认同信息，还具有潜在危险破坏性。在亲密关系中的这种刻板印象可能带来更坏的后果，它可能会成为伴侣彼此伤害，互不理解和冲突爆发的起点，因为他们都认为试图让对方应达到那些不切实际的标准。
His keeps him "emotionally constipated" out of his efforts to constantly look strong by suppressing his weaker appearing emotions. Hers keeps her locked in a socially mandated obligation to attend to the needs of others first, which often erases who she is or what her needs are.
“他”的形象迫使他努力压抑脆弱情绪，保持强大形象，以至于“情绪便秘”。“她”的形象用社会义务绑架她，要求她首先满足他人，最终抹除她的存在和需求。
出路何在？
Now, imagine a third option consisting of a non-binary, non-either or, non-male vs. female rendition of the sexes achieved by reaching deep below the surface of our respective gender roles to our most fundamental and common human needs. As you imagine this, consider that all traits, male and female–and those in between–have their genetic dawning in our common humanity. By adopting this reasoning, gender differences are neutralized, or more conceivably, they can lose their social imperative.
如今我们有第三种选择，即一种非二元，非男非女的性别演绎，透过我们各自的性别表象，实现我们基本的和共同的人类需求。想象一下，所有人都共同遗传了原本两性的所有特征。经过如此推理，性别差异被中和，可想而知，加在两性身上的枷锁也将被去除。
Further, this third option detours gender stereotyping by adopting a humanized, "homogenized admixture" of male and female qualities, eclectically folding them into a single composite of human traits–a union of opposites. Again, the divisively rugged polemics of male vs. female, us vs. them, can melt away.
进一步讲，这种性别演绎通过将两性品质“同质化混合”为人性品质，来巧妙避开性别刻板印象，结合对立面折衷为单一的人类特征组合。也就是说，“男性与女性”，“我们与他们”之间分裂的激烈争论可以消失了。
New words:
Skirmish n. 小规模战斗；小冲突
Lots of cultural skirmishes end in shouty hostility or shabby retreat.
许多文化冲突都以激烈的敌意或狼狈的撤退告终。
Mandate n. 授权，正式命令 vt. 授权(某人)根据委托统治权(做某事)
The union says it's too soon to relax mask mandates.
现在并非放宽防疫政策的时候。
Rendition n. 演唱, 表演
Social media drew much of the crowd but beyond the spectacle in the lobby awaits an operatic rendition of a classic story.
社交媒体吸引了大量的人群，除了大堂人群熙熙攘攘的景象，更令人等待不及的是那个经典传说的歌剧表演
Imperative adj. 必要的, 紧急的, 极重要的 n. 必要的事, 必须完成的事
This is a moral imperative, an economic imperative, a moment of peril, but also a moment of extraordinary possibilities.
这既是道义上的迫切需要，也是经济上的迫切需要，这是一个危机时刻，但也是一个机遇的时刻。
原文链接：
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/new-gps-intimate-relationships/202206/men-and-women-the-longest-war
文案丨王雅菁 黄培莹
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