为什么我们不再需要“浪漫的爱情”？- 大数跨境

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为什么我们不再需要“浪漫的爱情”？

QuriositySISU

2022-03-26

导读：对更加多样，更加包容的爱say “Yes！”

We can experience love in many different ways. But if we underestimate or neglect, we will miss out on so much. For increasing numbers of people finding ‘the one’ is no longer the ideal.

我们可以以许多不同的方式感受爱。但是，如果我们低估它或忽视它，我们将错过很多。对于越来越多的人来说，找到"命中注定的那个人"不再是他们理想中的爱情。

不恋爱，不缺爱

Dr Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist and author of Why We Love: The New Science Behind Our Closest Relationships.

Anna Machin博士是一位进化人类学家，著有《为什么我们会相爱：我们最亲密关系背后的新科学》。

“I make it clear that any type of love is a welcome topic but when I ask what love is, my interviewees often shoot straight to romantic love. But my aromantic interviewees do not lack love. They have full and loving lives, with family, friends, even queer platonic partners with whom they may have children.”

“我明确地表示，任何类型的爱情都应当被接受，但当我问爱情是什么的时候，我的受访者经常直接地提出爱情是浪漫。但其他没有提及浪漫爱情的受访者并不缺乏爱。他们有充实而充满爱的生活，有家人、朋友，甚至有同性恋的柏拉图式伴侣，他们可能还会与彼此有孩子。”

Does this obsession with romantic love still reflect the lives we lead? For some it is not a priority, for others it is a restrictive stereotype, while for others it can be a source of risk.

这种对浪漫爱情的痴迷是否仍然反映了我们的生活？对一些人来说，浪漫不是一个优先考虑的因素，对另一些人来说，这是一种限制性的刻板印象，而对另一些人来说，这可能是一个风险来源。

女性不再相信爱情了

Demographic data shows that the downgrading of romantic love is, to some extent, already happening. Figures from the Office for National Statistics and Relate show that by 2039, one in seven people in the UK will be living alone and today only one in six people believe in “the one”.

人口统计数据显示，在某种程度上，“浪漫爱情”的消逝已经发生。国家统计局与相关办公室的数据显示，到2039年，英国七分之一的人将独居，而今天只有六分之一的人相信“命中注定的那个人“。

This change is particularly striking for women. With emancipation and the arrival of contraceptionwomen can choose not to partner themselves to anyone else, but to remain happily child-free. They can build loving relationships with other people and beings who are capable of fulfilling all their needs.

这种变化对女性来说尤其显著。随着妇女解放和避孕措施的到来，妇女可以选择不生育，去享受没有孩子的自由生活。她们可以与其他能够满足她们所有需求的人建立爱情关系。

爱不止一种

When we consider romantic love, there is a spectrum of opportunity beyond monogamy which we rarely acknowledge.

当我们提及浪漫的爱情时，除了一夫一妻制，还有一种我们很少承认的选择。

At one end are the Aromantics who do not experience romantic love. They are characterised as being cold and unloving.

一种是那些没有经历过浪漫爱情的“无浪漫情结者”。他们的特点是冷漠，不被爱所吸引。

At the other end of the spectrum are the polyamorists——a group who experience romantic and sexual love with more than one partner. If polyamorous relationships are based on trust, truth and open communication, they are moral. To be successful, love for another must be openly acknowledged rather than hidden in the secret of an affair.

另一种类型是多配偶主义者，这是一个与多个伴侣体验浪漫和性爱的群体。如果多角恋关系是基于信任、事实和敞开心扉的沟通，那么它就是道德的。真正的爱情是对另一个人的爱必须公开承认，而不是隐藏在秘密的风流韵事中。

我们为何痴迷于爱？

爱上粉色，嫁给粉色

Human love is a special thing, unique in its longevity and the sheer number of beings we are capable of loving. We can love our family, our friends, our lovers. We can also love across the species boundary and the spiritual divide. And as AI romps ahead it may be that one day we can find love with an avatar or robot.

人类的爱是特殊的，其独特之处在于长情和多情。我们可以爱我们的家人，我们的朋友，我们的爱人。我们也可以跨越物种界限和精神鸿沟去爱。随着人工智能的发展，也许有一天我们可以与某个头像或机器人恋爱。

Kitten Kay Sera is known as “the pinkest person in the world” and she has made history by marrying the colour pink in a bizarre ceremony - after dating it for more than 40 years. For the ceremony, Kitten wore pink, arrived in a pink Chevrolet, and gave herself a pink ring in what must by the least white wedding in history.

Kitten Kay Sera被认为是“世界上最粉红的人”，她创造了历史——在和粉红色约会了40多年后与这个颜色举行了一场奇异的婚礼。她穿着粉红色的衣服，开着一辆粉红色的雪佛兰来参加婚礼，并送给自己一枚粉红色的戒指，这注定会是历史上最不“洁白”的婚礼。

Speaking previously, she said: “I felt fabulous. I thought, if wearing that much pink could make me feel fantastic, why not wear pink every day?”

此前，她说:“我感觉棒极了。我在想如果穿那么多粉色衣服能让我感觉很奇妙，那为什么不每天都穿粉色衣服呢?”

All forms of love carry the same joys and benefits as romantic love. In some cases, such as with our best friends, the love we have for them can be more emotionally intimate and less stress inducing than any we have with a lover.

所有形式的爱情都有与浪漫爱情相同的快乐和好处。在某些情况下，我们对最好朋友的爱可能比我们对爱人的爱在情感上更亲密，更轻松。

浪漫爱情的糟糕后果

The power of the romantic narrative to drive dating behaviour and commerce is clear but it may also have darker consequences.

浪漫的爱情故事增加约会行为，推动商业发展的力量是显而易见的，但它也可能带来一些糟糕的后果。

In 2017 the testimony of 15 women regarding intimate partner violence (IPV) was published. It was clear that one of the issues with IPV was the stories these women had heard about what love was. Love overcomes all obstacles and must be maintained at all costs (even when you’re being abused).

2017年，15名妇女关于亲密伴侣暴力（IPV）的证词被公布。很明显，IPV的一个诱因是这些女性听说过一些所谓的爱情故事，即爱能克服所有障碍，必须不惜一切代价维持（即使在你被虐待的时候）。

Perhaps when one’s survival, social standing and acceptance is predicated on coupling up, the obsession with romantic love is understandable. And it will always have a place in the spectrum of love. But now it’s time to admit that for a significant number of people romantic love is no longer the ultimate goal, we need to embrace all the opportunities for love in our lives to fully experience what it is to be human.

也许，当一个人的生存、社会地位和被接受度都以联姻为前提时，对浪漫爱情的痴迷才可以被理解。而且它将永远在爱的范围中占有一席之地。但现在是时候承认，对于相当多的人来说，浪漫的爱情不再是最终目标，我们需要拥抱生活中所有爱的机会，以充分体验作为人类的意义。