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/Jovana Mugosa
我们来看一封来自Gen Zer的来信:
该女士在信中提到的“situationship” 指的是一种非正式的情感联结,通常发生在两个人之间,既有情感交流又有身体接触,但又不涉及传统恋爱关系中排他性的承诺。
/Getty Images
“situationship”这个词精准描述了当下恋爱关系中那种难以界定的状态,专家发现这种关系模式在Z世代中越来越普遍。
“Right now, this solves some kind of need for sex, intimacy, companionship – whatever it is – but this does not have necessarily a long-term time horizon,” says Elizabeth Armstrong, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan, US.
美国密歇根大学社会学教授伊丽莎白·阿姆斯特朗(Elizabeth Armstrong)分析说:"不论具体需求是什么,现在年轻人通过这种关系满足性需求、获得亲密感或陪伴,但双方通常不会考虑长远发展。"
她还强调,全世界都对situationship感兴趣,不分种族、性别和性取向。
/New York Post
那么,是什么原因导致了 “只暧昧,不绑定” 的新型恋爱模式全球流行呢?
经济不稳 先拼事业
面对气候危机、经济不稳定、通货膨胀以及政治社会动荡等问题,Z世代年轻人面临着巨大的经济压力,他们倾向于优先追求个人、职业和经济上的稳定,以确保经济独立和财务稳定。
在这样的情况下,“situationship”这种相对灵活的恋爱模式,巧妙地规避了传统恋爱关系中深度承诺可能带来的精力分散问题,从而确保年轻人在职业发展道路上能够保持高度的专注和积极的进取心。
“Young people would say that relationships are distracting them from their educational and career goals, and that it's best to not get too attached, because you might sacrifice your own trajectory in life for someone else,” says Wade.
“年轻人会说,恋爱关系会分散他们对学业和职业目标的注意力,最好不要太依恋它,因为你可能会为了别人而牺牲自己的人生轨迹。”美国杜兰大学社会学副教授丽莎·韦德指出。
/A Day Magazine
在追求职业发展的过程中,年轻人会遇到频繁跳槽、长时间加班、异地工作等情况。“situationship”则跨越了时间和地点的限制,年轻人可以根据自己的时间和精力安排相处模式,在享受恋爱带来的快乐和陪伴的同时,也在最小范围内影响工作。
追求自由 不想绑定
From job hopping to digital nomadism, this cohort values freedom, which has bled into their romantic lives. Why commit to one person when you can explore and “see where it goes”?
从频繁跳槽到数字游牧,Z世代高度重视自由,这种价值观也逐渐渗透到他们的恋爱生活中。当人们可以自由探索、随性发展,看看彼此关系会走向何方时,又何必急于对某一个人做出承诺呢?
注释:
digital nomadism(数字游民)指利用现代信息技术进行远程工作,追求自由、灵活和自主生活方式的人群。
/ FLAT HAT MAGAZINE
What we are learning is how to make our single lives genuinely fulfilling so that being in a relationship is not so dire a need.
Z世代正在学习的是,如何让单身生活真正充实,这样恋爱就不会那么迫切想要确立恋爱关系。
这可以有多种形式:为事业或生活方式而努力,培养自己的爱好和兴趣,甚至只是照顾好自己的健康。
As we nurture our lives to be peaceful and satisfying, we let go of this dependency on romantic relationships, and the stakes begin to lower.
当我们努力让生活变得平和而满足时,我们便逐渐摆脱对恋爱关系的依赖,其风险也随之降低。
手机一划 下个更乖
Because of dating apps, endless prospective partners are just a swipe away.
由于约会软件的存在,无数潜在的伴侣只需轻轻一划就能出现。
Dating apps are handicapping society to navigate romance with minimal commitment. This cultural shift raises the question: do people genuinely know what they want in the age of options? The internet makes everyone believe that the cuter, more handsome, richer, candidate is more worthy.
约会软件让社会在追求浪漫时变得缺乏承诺。这种文化转变引发了一个问题:在选择众多的时代,人们真的知道自己想要什么吗?互联网让每个人都认为更可爱、更帅气、更富有的候选人更值得追求。
Dating apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble offer endless choices. They turn the search for love into something resembling online shopping. The lines are blurred between seeking genuine connections and casual encounters, fostering an environment for situationships to bloom.
像 Tinder、Hinge 和 Bumble 这样的约会应用提供了无穷无尽的选择。它们将寻找爱情变成了类似于网上购物的事情。寻找真诚关系和随意邂逅之间的模糊界限,成为了“situationship”的培养皿。
/国家新闻
忽隐忽现 暧昧留痕
Ghosting in relationships: When someone vanishes without explanation.
“幽灵消失行为”是指在关系(通常指恋爱关系)中,一方突然消失,与另一方完全断联,且没有任何解释的行为。
这种行为在数字时代变得尤为普遍,因为社交媒体和即时通讯工具使得人们可以轻易地切断联系而不留下痕迹。这种不确定性往往使得 situationships 得以延续,因为一方可能在“幽灵行为”后又重新出现,继续保持模糊的关系状态。
突然消失 吊足胃口
Breadcrumbing: When they drop tiny crumbs of attention (a random “hey” text, a like on your post) just to keep you on the hook.
“面包屑撩拨行为” 则是指:一方在关系中偶尔给予另一方一些小的关注或暗示,比如发一条“嘿”的信息、点赞社交媒体上的帖子,或者评论互动。这种行为的目的是为了保持对方的兴趣,但又不愿意投入真正的情感或承诺。
面包屑行为使得situationships得以存续,因为它提供了足够的关注来让另一方保持希望,但又不够深入以形成真正的关系。
Both of these keep situationships alive way longer than they should be. Instead of a clear yes-or-no relationship, social media allows people to half-date — showing up when it’s convenient but disappearing when things get too serious.
这两种情况都让像 situationship 一样的模糊关系持续的时间远远超过了应有的限度。社交媒体让人们不再有明确的恋爱关系,而是一直“半推约会”状态——方便的时候出现,一旦事情显得太认真就消失不见。
/Getty Images
慢慢淡出 避免心碎
Since the relationship was never defined, its ending doesn't need to be either. This ambiguous exit strategy might seem avoidant to some, but for others, it's a merciful way to part ways without adding unnecessary emotional trauma to the situation. In a world where even casual dating often ends with someone feeling rejected or hurt, the soft landing of a situationship conclusion can be a big benefit.
由于这段关系从未被明确界定,所以它的结束也不必明确。这种“慢慢淡出”的行为在某些人看来或许是在回避问题,但对另一些人来说,这是一种仁慈的方式,能让双方在不给彼此造成额外情感创伤的情况下友好分手。在一个即便是随意约会也常常会有人感到被拒绝或受伤的世界里,situationship 的温和收场能带来很大的好处。
关于 situationship 的讨论持续不断,也对此褒贬不一。
支持:先爽为敬 未尝不可
CNN认为,虽然这个概念对其他世代的人来说可能很奇怪,但低承诺度的“situationship”非常符合Z世代的特点。
/THE FREE PRESS
It’s basic trial and error, all generations had their own version — and each time it drops down a level in commitment.
Situationship其实就是基本的试错过程,而每一代人都有自己的方式,并且每一代的恋爱承诺度都在降低。
来自密歇根大学的社会学家Elizabeth Armstrong认为,situationship之所以受欢迎,是因为它打破了传统 "恋爱阶梯" (relationship escalator)的线性思维——即从同居到订婚、结婚的固定路径。
Armstrong指出,Z世代更倾向于活在当下,认为“只要此刻合适,不必纠结未来走向”。这种态度在 TikTok 上得到广泛共鸣,相关话题标签累计播放量超过839亿次。
Being in the gray area with someone can be beneficial. While you both enjoy spending time together, learning more about each other, and continuing to define what you both want, you can experience intimacy that doesn’t need a reason.
临床性学家、教育家 Myisha Battle 在《时代杂志》(TIME)上发表的专题文章中提到,与某人处于某种关系的灰色地带可能是有益的。当你们双方都享受在一起的时间,更多地了解彼此,并以持续性的眼光定义你们共同想要的东西时,你们可以体验不需要理由的亲密关系。
反对:只顾眼前 必有后患
贝勒大学家庭科学家Mickey Langlais在《性与文化》期刊(Sexuality & Culture)的研究中,让大学生完成一项关于他们最近三段浪漫关系经历(从一夜情到稳定的恋爱关系)的在线调查。
调查揭示,“situationship”虽在亲密行为上与正式恋爱相似,但满意度和承诺度显著低于后者。这类关系中仅有极少数能发展为长期伴侣,多数以无疾而终收场。
Situationships involve a lack of definition about committment. This can reduce tension but harm connection.
缺乏承诺会损害恋爱关系的质量,而situationship中对承诺缺乏明确界定。这或许能减轻关系中的紧张感,但会损害彼此之间的联结。
/Getty Images
Situationshi, Wilcox argues, has “further degraded young adults’ capacity … to have those challenging and difficult conversations both at the start of a relationship, but also in the midst of a relationship.”
弗吉尼亚大学社会学教授、国家婚姻项目主任、《结婚吧:为什么美国人必须挑战精英、建立稳固家庭、拯救文明》(Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization )一书的作者Brad Wilcox表示,situationship “进一步削弱了年轻人在恋爱初期以及恋爱过程中进行那些具有挑战性和困难对话的能力”。
Situationship 似乎还助长了各种反社交行为。这类关系让人们更容易在还未真正 “分手” 的情况下结束一段关系。
Breaking up with a girlfriend of several months over text or ghosting is cruel. But in a situationship, the etiquette is much less defined.
通过短信和交往几个月的女朋友分手,或者玩消失,这样的行为很残忍。但在暧昧关系中,却没有明确的行为规范。
In theory, situationships can function as a container for “radical honesty”, says Wade, when two people are open about what they really want and agree on the terms of a transparent situationship. But in practice, it can be difficult for two people’s priorities to align, and situationships can end poorly when each party is not on the same page about what they want out of the situation.
丽莎·韦德教授提醒:从理论上讲,当两个人坦诚地表达自己的真实意愿并对 situationship 达成比较透明的共识时,situationship 可以 “彻底诚实”。但在实践中,两个人的优先等级往往难以保持一致:当其中一个人打算发展一段忠诚的恋情时,对变化的恐惧心理会使双方回避重要议题,使这段感情最终以糟糕的结局收场。
Situationship就如同“装在礼物盒里的情感创伤”(emotional trauma in a gift box)。未定义的关系反而让结束失去明确界线,令人难以真正释怀。
【END】
原文链接:
https://www.businessinsider.com/gen-z-most-rejected-generation-college-careers-jobs-dating-ghosting-2025-3
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/situationship-love-dating-advice-dear-vix-b2709569.html
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220831-situationships-why-gen-z-are-embracing-the-grey-area
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/202403/are-you-in-a-situationship
https://www.thepostathens.com/article/2024/04/gen-z-situationships-dating-love-tiktok
https://slate.com/life/2024/11/gen-z-situationship-relationship-dating-risk-ghosting-chappell-roan.html
https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/24/opinions/gen-z-dating-situationships-vicente/index.html
https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-024-10210-6
https://time.com/6263743/situationships-dating-benefits/
https://depauliaonline.com/68271/opinions/situationship-epidemic-limited-love-in-an-online-age/
https://statenews.com/article/2025/02/situationships-casual-dating-rise-in-popularity-among-college-students?ct=content_open&cv=cbox_latest#
https://medium.com/@mchbyhabibanazimkhan/the-rise-of-situationships-why-social-media-makes-it-harder-to-define-relationships-0128739ee60c
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/m-happier-situationship-real-relationship-100010404.html
https://bbc.com/worklife/article/20220831-situationships-why-gen-z-are-embracing-the-grey-area
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220831-situationships-why-gen-z-are-embracing-the-grey-area
https://time.com/6263743/situationships-dating-benefits/
https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a27478820/situationship/
https://www.therippleco.co.uk/blogs/pop-culture/what-is-a-situationship-and-why-are-they-so-popular?srsltid=AfmBOoqI9rLvSgH0BtKQQOsJbKpPUc_n52rTAY7GNPoRjKQZy-A-NLKn
https://www.adaymag.com/2019/08/01/situationship.html
https://www.flathatmagazine.com/blog/situationships
The Social History of the Situationship: Love in Limbo — Daniel Dashnaw
编译|方元 林柳含 赵璐瑶 张乃文 赵心妍
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