The summer Olympics are upon us. If you’re not excited, it’s ok, you’re not the only one. In our modest opinion, the Olympic games are in bad need of an upgrade. That’s why we’ve come up with 8 Olympic sports that we hope to see in 2020.
1
Shin Kicking
This sport is over 400 years old and we believe it’s time for shin kicking to take to the international stage. The rules are simple. Fill your pants with hay and start kicking your opponent’s shins until the loser falls down. (We recommend these shin guards for training though.)
2
Ultimate Tazer Ball
A relaxing sport for people of all ages. 2 teams of 4 try to get one over-sized soccer ball into their opponents goal. Oh yeah, also everyone has a tazer which you get to unleash on whoever has possession of the ball.
3
Chess Boxing
A true test of one’s mental and physical prowess. This game is made up of 11 rounds lasting 8 minutes each; four minutes of boxing and four minutes of chess. The person who gets a checkmate or knocks their opponent out first wins.
4
Extreme Ironing
According to the Extreme Ironing Bureau, extreme ironing is “the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt.”
5
Wife Carrying
This sport’s humble origins stem from the Viking Age when Aslaug the Conquer got away with stealing dozens of women from the neighboring village by slinging them over his shoulder and calling it a sport. That’s our theory at least.
6
Cheese Rolling
The concept is simple. Roll a 9 pound wheel of Double Gloucester cheese down a steep hill. First person to catch the cheese or beat it to the bottom of the hill wins. Oh, one other thing, the cheese wheel can reach speeds of up to 70 mph so your only shot of catching it is to just hurdle yourself straight down that hill.
7
Dodgeball
You know you want to see this sport in the Olympics. Countries from all over the world training to pelt other people in the face with hard rubber balls.
8
Ferret Legging
Take 2 feisty ferrets and stuff them down your spandex pants. Then all you gotta do is ignore the scratching and biting for as long as possible. The current world record is held by Yorkshire, England man Reg Mellor, who kept the ferrets down his pants for 5 hours and 26 minutes back in 1981.
9
Sepak Takraw
No, you’re not watching The Matrix. That’s Sepak Takraw, otherwise known as kick volleyball. This sport dates all the way back to 15th century Malaysia and is popular throughout Southeast Asia. Western countries have some catching up to do.
10
Bo-Taoshi
Perhaps the greatest sport of all time, Bo-Taoshi is a capture-the-flag like game which involves 150 people: 75 attackers and 75 defenders. The attackers hurdle themselves en mass at the defenders in attempts to knock down a pole.
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