每年我都会听到上百场的教练练习。其中对教练最难的，是最开始时无法管理对话。教练最开始的对话往往看起来有点乱，冗赘，没有规则，甚至失控，绕圈，不知要到哪等等。在大成教练课程里，当这样的事情发生时，打分的人可以打断，问：
“你在进程的哪一段？”
“从这里你会到哪里？”
“你的客户要跟你有什么样的对话？”
所以，你需要做什么来看紧你的教练方式，使你可以更有效管理对话，让对话投射到“教练”的领域和技能，并赋予客户力量呢？
一、确保用有效方式框住对话
6个月前，我在ACMC教材里增加新的一页：“伊始设框”。那一页建议你一开始设好框架，可以使你有好的开始。
什么框架？设一个对话，不是“一般”的谈话，设定它是一个特别和独特的谈话。设定它是为了进入事情核心而设计的，它具备能驱动当事人行动的实际意义。设定它是关于事件进程的，而非只是陈述事件。如果有需要打断，告诉他们你之所以会打断不是为了了解故事，而是为了让当事人思考和制造意义。设定它是有关于生命的蜕变和释放潜能。不要聊天！不要在治疗时段里问：“你的问题是什么？”
二、设定一个客户“要”的专注性框架
要做到这些，学习使用以下18个完善效果提问。从第一个开始：“你要什么？”当客户迷迷糊糊，有点混乱的，尝试要表达他要的东西时，重复发问并用一个认可方式提问：
“从这谈话中，具体有什么是你真正，真正要的？”
“要搞清楚你为什么拖延，这是你最想要的吗？”
“制造一个资源使你可以摆脱拖延，这就是你要的吗，也是我们这时段做的重要事情吗？”
当你得到一些东西时，锁住它。用认可方式，然后跟随一个测试性问题。
“我听到你说你要克服你的拖延。对吗？你要找到资源和计划执行你的决定，而不是放在一边。对吗？”
当你问完后，问为什么。
“为什么克服拖延决定对你重要？”不管他们说什么，重复（认可）并确认这是重要的。握着那个价值，问为什么那个价值如此重要。一直重复直到你很明显看得出来那真的是他要的东西。如果不“明显”，你的客户还没有处在足够强烈的状态。完善效果第二个提问的设计，是要诱导出一个足够强烈和巩固的状态来交谈。
这时锁住时间，空间和人。
“你何时要得到这个？哪里？跟谁？”
当你锁住客户要的场景后，问所有问题里最重要的问题。问第7个问题：
“你要做什么去得到你要的？”
有关于这提问，你可以继续发问以下问题：这是在你能力范围内吗？你可以做到吗？（能力范围）你曾经做过吗？有的话，认可！认可客户可以做到并做过！开派对，需要什么步骤？有阶段性吗？需要计划或策略吗？你有一个计划或策略吗？需要注意什么样的信息或体验当作回馈来告诉你成不成功？你如何监视你在做什么？有什么东西会阻止你的吗？
问这些问题，是要收集“要做的动作”的讯息。你的客户要做什么去得到要的东西？不需要花太多时间在这里，几秒钟就够了。是的。几秒钟！
这时检查清单。你有外在资源吗？内在资源？符合系统平衡吗？够吸引你吗？真正，真的要这个而你现在知道要做什么得到它吗？同样的，你只是在收集信息，所以不要花太多时间，几秒钟既可。
这时，锁住它：你做了决定，这是你从这阶段所要得到的吗？是？不是？这段落结束后，你如何知道你已经得到你所要的谈话了吗？
三、设定并把“要”当作有效框架来运作
从一方面来看，客户说他要的东西是什么并不重要。重要的是他们说了些事情。不管他们说什么，跟随它！问其他完善效果并发展他们的需要。他们说他们要那个，为什么？在什么场景？他们要做什么去得到它？那个“需要”就会改变！期待会发生。并允许会改变。不管变成什么，抓住它并用完善效果问题跟随着它。这个会做到什么？它会使你的客户更清楚，更清楚，首要的教练对话。它也会使客户做一个决定，第二个教练对话。
译/方秀红
赠人玫瑰，手有余香，好东西，感谢分享！
MCF教练组织认证，由创始人Michael Hall博士亲自主讲的国内第六届《Meta coaching 大成教练》9月13-20日上海开课，欢迎关注微信信息。
》》》英文版原文
In listening to hundreds of CoachingSessions every year, one of the biggest problems for coaches, especially asthey start, is not being able to manage the conversation. In saying that theyare not able to manage the conversation, I mean that the conversation at thebeginning seems messy, unwieldy, unformulated, even out-of-control, spinningaround, going nowhere, etc. In the Coaching Boot Camp, when this happens, theperson benchmarking is commissioned to interrupt, ask:
"Where are you in the process?"
"Where will you go from here?"
"What kind of conversation is yourclient wanting to have with you?"
So, how do you tighten up your coachingapproach so that you can more effectively manage the conversation so that theconversation reflects the premises and competencies of "Coaching,"and empowers the client?
1)Be sure to frame the conversation and doso in an effective way.
Six months ago I added a new page to theACMC Training Manual, "Framing as You Get Started."
That page gives recommendations on yourinitial frames so that you get your coaching off to a good start. What toframe? Frame that the conversation not a "normal" conversation. Frameit as a special and unique conversation. Frame it as designed to get to theheart of things -to the meanings driving and informing the person's sense ofreality. Frame it as about process, not content, and that you will interruptthem. Don't ask for permission to interrupt them. Inform them that you will beinterrupt them because it is not about the story, but the thinking andmeaning-making. Frame your client that it is about transforming life andunleashing potentials. Do not have a chat! Don't set it up as a therapy sessionby asking, "Okay, what's your problem?"!
2) Set a focused frame that identifies whatyour client wants.
To do this, learn to use and"work" the 18-Well-formed-Outcome Questions in the following way.
Start with the first one, "What do youwant?" As your client muddles around trying to express what he or shewants, ask the question repeatedly and ask it as an acknowledgment:
"And so what is it precisely that youreally, really want form this conversation?"
"So getting clear on why you areprocrastinating is what you want most of all?"
"Creating a resource so you shakeyourself out of your procrastinating is what you want and that would be themost important thing for us to use this session for, right?"
When you get something, lock it down. Usean Acknowledgment to do that and then follow up with a Testing Question.
"I heard you say you want to overcomeyour procrastination. Right? And you want to develop a resource and a plan foracting on your decisions instead of putting them off. Is that right?"
As soon as you do that, ask why. "Whyis overcoming procrastinating on your decisions important for you?"Whatever they say, repeat back (Acknowledgment) and confirm that it isimportant. Holding that value, then ask why that value also is important. Dothis repeatedly until it is obvious to you that the person really wants this.If it is not "obvious" to you, you don't have in your client a strongenough state. Question two (WFO) is designed to induce a strong and robustenough of a state to have the conversation.
Now lock it down in time, space, andperson.
"When do you want to achieve this? Where? With whom?"
After you lock down the context of whatyour client wants, ask the most important question of all. Ask question #7.
"What do you have to do to get whatyou want?"
About this question, you can ask a seriesof follow-up questions: Is this in your power? Can you do it (capacity)? Haveyou ever done it? If so, then validate this! Honor and recognize that yourclient can do this and has done this! Throw a party! How many steps will ittake? Any stages in doing this? Do you need a plan or strategy? Do you have aplan or strategy? What information or experience will you want to pay attentionto as feedback that will tell you that what you are doing is working or notworking? How will you monitor what you are doing? Is there anything that couldstop you?
Asking these doing follow-up questions isto gather information about the doing. What does your client have to do to getwhat he or she wants? Don't spend a lot of time on these, a few seconds isusually sufficient. Yes, a few seconds!
Now check things off. Do you have the external resources forthis? The internal resources?
Is it ecological? Is it still compelling-do you still really, really want this now that you know what you have to do toget what you want? Again, you are just gathering information, so don't spend alot of time on these- seconds.
Now lock it down: Have you made a decisionthat this is what you want in this session? Yes or no? And by the end of the session,how will you know that you have achieved what you want this conversation to beabout?
3)Set and operate from "the want"as your relevance frame.
In one sense, it does not matter what yourclient says regarding what he or she wants. What's important is that they saysomething. Whatever they say, run with it! Ask the other WFO questions anddevelop their want. They say they want it, so why? In what context? And what dothey have to do? That want will change! Expect that. And allow it to change. Andwhatever it changes to, grab that and run with it using the WFO questions. Whatwill this do? It will enable your client to get clearer and clearer, andclearer- the first and primary Coaching Conversation. It will also enable yourclient to make a decision- the secondary Coaching Conversation.