车水马龙，人来人往，眼前人的嘴巴一张一翕，我们自以为听懂了那些话，听不懂的只是对方的心，但其实，我们连话都没听懂。没有人撒谎，我们只是不懂聆听而已。
问题：是否有可能会有一种聆听的方式，使聆听本身就可以优化蜕变吗？
如果是依照马斯洛在他的“科学”书上所写的，我会说有。
“要能够在聆听时不带预设、归类、利用、驳斥、评估、核准或者是不核准，对讲出来的没有对抗，没有先预演要反驳的，没有随意-连结所存在的等等，以致于接下来的部分没有完全听到——这种聆听时稀少的。”（第96页）
这种聆听是稀少的，因为有许多敌对分子在干涉你聆听的质量。有恐惧、紧张、压力、不耐烦、不成熟评估、想要帮上忙，想被视作聪明、有能力，想要成功等等。这些敌对分子妨碍了聆听。这些自我投放创造了过滤网，使到一个人不是真正地在聆听。
此聆听也是真正的可尊敬的聆听，因为它使到事情顺其自然，使之透露自然的体验和自己，也让我们看到它的神秘性。尊重地驱动这种聆听。这样的尊重是无干扰式的自愿，使事情顺其自然并表达它们自己。身为教练，当你这么做时，客户就会有机会听到自己，有了察觉的层次，改变就自然发生了。
罗迪巴哲，一个语义学家，在1953年的刊物曾刊出有关聆听的内容：“个人最大的沟通阻碍就是人类没有能力去用智慧性、理解性和技巧性去听到另外一个人。在这现代的世界里，这缺陷是广泛和令人惊叹的。在我们的大学，还有其他地方，很少在这方面着手。”
啊，聆听的缺陷！活在竞争的社会里，我们大部分时间是让别人知道我们的观点，不是吗？大部分的时间里，我们都倾向于体验别人的演讲，这造成了对我们想法流动的冗长干扰。我常在第一天的教练课程里看到这些。他们很兴奋来学习当教练，也有很多东西贡献他人。但他们却对可以解决他人问题的机会感到不耐烦。他们很兴奋，同时也很没耐性。他们坐不住也不能正确地聆听。通常在25分钟到30分钟的教练个案里，我会抓到平均5~10样客户又讲到而教练明显没听到的东西。我会将那些写下来：“没听到的事项”。而有将近一半的教练会说：“是的，我有听到，但我们不知道要对它做什么。”另一半的教练则说：“他有说吗？”
什么是聆听？聆听不是当你在脑海中预演逮到机会时要讲的东西而保持的礼貌性沉默，更不是意味着警觉性地等待他人出错来纠正他。
真正的聆听意味着努力看到对方所看到的世界以及情形。这意味着要用正确的同理心，而不是同情心，去聆听。同理心意味着你用他人的观点和框架使你可以看到和体验到他的世界。聆听需要主动性和想象性进入他人的体验矩阵，使你可以用他的方式理解，而不是你自己的方式。
主动聆听尊重和欣赏每一个演讲者的独特性。这个人的演讲在此时此刻是一辈子一次的体验。聆听的缺陷饱含使用一般化方式聆听，我们在脑海里归类事情：
“喔，这就是有关于压力管理：是学习如何委任和释放的案例；是人们太习惯彼此而形成理所当然的案例。”
你从大成教练课程里知道，我们专注在神圣聆听。我们用一种方式聆听，一种对他人而言是珍贵且特别而不是工具的方式。我不是用聆听来利用一个人，而是跟他在一起并理解他。通常，这样就足以创造出许多奇迹了。更深层次地和高强度地聆听一个人，是他从未被任何人如此聆听过的，并且保留空间让他可以和他自己的思想在一起，通常这就会是他从来没体验过的最有蜕变性的体验。
通过绝对的好奇和着迷的真正主动聆听，会让演讲者开始以新的方式觉察自己。通过主动，关怀，接纳，欣赏聆听，我们为客户创造了一个熔炉空间，当自我实现动力被允许出现时，蜕变自然且必然会发生。
在此祝你的聆听达到大师级！
译/方秀红
赠人玫瑰，手有余香，好东西，感谢分享！
2014中国唯一一期《Meta coaching—大成教练》于9月13-20日上海开课，主讲导师：MichaelHall（美国），欢迎关注后续信息。
》》》英文版原文
Question: Is it possible to listen in sucha way that the listening itself facilitates the transformation? Is that kindand depth and quality of listening possible?
Given what Maslow wrote in his book onScience, I would say yes.
"To be able to listen withoutpresupposing, classifying, improving, controverting, evaluating, approving ordisapproving, without dueling with what is being said, without rehearsing therebuttal in advance, without free-association to what is being so thatsucceeding portions are not heard at all-such listening is rare." (p. 96)
Such listening is rare and that's becausethere are many enemies which interfere with the quality of your listening.There is the interference caused by fear, tension, stress, impatience, pre-matureevaluations, the need to be helpful, the need to be seen as smart, competent,the need to be successful, etc. These are the things that get in the way. Theseare the ego-investments that create filters that cause a person to not reallylisten.
Such listening is also truly respectfullistening because it enables you to let things be, to let people and theirexperiences unfold their own nature, and to let us see its secrets. Respectdrives this kind of listening. This is the respect of a non-interferingwillingness to let things be and express themselves. And when you do that as acoach, the client has an opportunity to truly hear him or herself and with thatlevel of awareness, change naturally occurs.
F.J. Roethlisberger, a General Semanticistwrote this about listening in the journal, ETC. in 1953 "The biggest blockto personal communication is man's inability to listen intelligently,understandingly, and skillfully to another person. This deficiency in themodern world is widespread and appalling. In our universities, as well aselsewhere, too little is being done about it."
Ah, listening deficiency! Living in ourcompetitive societies, most of us are most of the time chiefly concerned withgetting our own views across, are we not? Most of the time we tend toexperience other people's speeches to be a tedious interruption of the flow ofour own ideas! I see this all the time in the first days of Coaching Mastery.People come into the program so excited about learning to be a coach and havinglots of things they can contribute to others and they are so impatient aboutthe opportunity to do something that will solve a person's problem. Yet theyare so excited, so impatient, that they can hardly still themselves andaccurately listen. In the typical 25 to 30 minute coaching session, I catch onaverage 5 to 10 things that the client said which the coach apparently neverheard. I write those in for the line: "Things not heard." For half ofthose the coach will say, "Yes, I heard that but I didn't know what to dowith it." For the rest, they say, "He said that?"
What is listening? Listening is not simplymaintaining a polite silence while you are rehearsing in your mind what you aregoing to say when you can grab a conversational opening. And it especially doesnot mean waiting alertly for the flaws in the other person's thinking so youcan straighten him out.
True listening means working hard to seethe world and the situation the way the speaker sees it. It means listeningwith accurate empathy, not sympathy, which is feeling for him. Empathy meanstaking on the other person's perspective and frames so that you can see andexperience the world as does that person. Listening requires entering activelyand imaginatively into the other's matrix of experience so that you canunderstand that person on his or her terms rather than your own.
Active listening respects and appreciatesthe uniqueness of each and every speaker: This speech by this individual atthis time and place is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. A listening deficiencyinvolves listening in terms of the generalizations that we use in our mind toclassify things:
"Oh this is a case of stressmanagement; a case of learning how to delegate and release; a case of peoplegetting too used to each other and taking each other for granted."
As you know from Coaching Mastery, inMeta-Coaching, we focus on sacred listening. We listen in a way that treats aperson as valuable and special in and of him or herself and not instrumentally.I don't listen to use the person but to be with and understand the person.Often, that is enough to create many miracles. Listen to someone more deeplyand intensely than anyone has ever listened to them and holding the space sothe person can be with his or her own thoughts often is the most transformativething ever experienced.
In really active listening you listen byexploring with absolute curiosity and fascination and what results is that thespeaker becomes aware of him or herself in new ways. And by active, caring,accepting, appreciating listening we create a crucible space for our clientthat allows transformation to occur ever so naturally and inevitably as theself-actualization drive is allowed to emerge.
Here's to your listening mastery!
META-COACHING NEWS
I'm writing this from Hong Kong where wehave begun our 43rd Coaching Mastery program --- we have 33 participants, 1 isre-visiting and we have 11 Team Leaders and Benchmarkers. Today two of our TeamLeaders and Neuro-Semantic Trainers started the day off in some interestingways: Dr. Paul Chan created a Listening Poem and read to the group and ClaudeSta Clara created a Dance to the words,
"I have a score, I am not my score, Iam more than my score!"