这篇应用文评分在7-8分左右。
深一模 - 学生作文点评（1）
杨幼菲老师
Good morning, everyone!
第一段
I'm LiHua from Class x Grade x. So far, people have draw widely attention to growing up healthy. Therefore, I am standing here in order to raise the awearness of being healthy.
【点评】
1. 符合演讲稿格式。首先介绍了自己，演讲主题背景，以及本次演讲的目的。
2. 语法和拼写错误。
*LiHua应该为Li Hua，
*have draw应该为have drawn，
*awearness应该为awareness。
第二段
Recently, people's daily routine is not in a proper way. Many students are overweight due to the unhealthy eating diet. 1)[Fied food and drinks are there main type of food]. What's more, they don't pay any attention on exercising, which can help them lose weight. For the sake of health, there are some advices fror you. 2)[First, keeping a healthy diet is the most important thing above all and they must come up with new kinds of food]. Second, Exercise more often. 3)[Riding bicycles is in scenic parks can relax ourselves and enhance our body].
【点评】
1. 完成了题目的前两个要求，简述现状和提出建议。文章结构有一定层次，能够用过渡词组For the sake of health将两个要求分开。
2. 句子间逻辑不强。多为简单句，有一个非限制性定语从句，和一个并列句。部分句子间有转折关系或因果关系，可以尝试写成状语从句会更好。
3. 语法错误
4. 表达错误
第三段
Last,I want to recall your attention on growing up healthy.
That's all. Thank you.
【点评】
改成例如，“让我们从自身做起......”；“大家行动起来......”这样的句子会更好。
recall使用有问题，没有recall attention这种用法。
下一期，读后续写点评。
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